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Why Bayern Munich should step in and sign Leo Messi from PSG

Much like Chelsea’s recent form, this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

Paris Saint-Germain v FC Lorient - Ligue 1 Uber Eats Photo by Antonio Borga/Eurasia Sport Images/Getty Images

As Bayern Munich flounder in their search for a new striker, a certain Argentinian wonder searches for a new club.

Yes, it’s all but confirmed — as reported by Fabrizio Romano, Leo Messi is set to leave Paris Saint-Germain this summer. The club will not extend his contract, which means one of the best players in the history of the sport will be available for free this summer. Its an ignominious end to the Argentinian’s stay in the French capital, especially considering the fanfare when he was first signed from FC Barcelona. No Champions League, barely any titles at all to speak of.

The breaking point, apparently, was Messi’s unsanctioned visit to Saudi Arabia during the middle of the season, which neither his teammates nor the club were aware of. Why Saudi Arabia? Messi happens to be their brand ambassador, but they’re also major geopolitical rivals to Qatar, who own Paris Saint-Germain. You can only imagine the reaction in the PSG boardroom. In the end, the player was suspended for two weeks as punishment. The relationship between the club and Messi is irrevocably damaged.

This is a perfect opportunity for Bayern Munich. Signing Messi is an ideal move, for a variety of reasons:

  • He’s over 30, satisfying the board’s need to buy old players.
  • He’ll demand massive wages, satisfying the need to waste as much money as possible on players we don’t need.
  • He’s a “FREE” transfer, satisfying the club’s pathological need to find a bargain.
  • He plays the exact same position as Thomas Muller and Jamal Musiala, satisfying the requirement that the attacking midfield position never be allowed to settle.
  • He’s incredibly marketable, so Bayern can attract the fans that comment “Messi > PR7” under Tweets by Troll Football.
  • He has excellent connections to geopolitical regimes practiced in human rights violations, satisfying the board’s need to trample on the values this club holds dear.
FC Bayern München v Paris Saint-Germain: Round of 16 Second Leg - UEFA Champions League
On the Messi side of things, he can finally stop losing to Bayern in the CL!
Photo by Harry Langer/DeFodi Images via Getty Images

It honestly seems like the perfect match. Brazzo should’ve picked up the phone and made the call yesterday. You need to show this kind of impetus if you want to be successful in this business.

Major rivals for Bayern will be Inter Miami in MLS and the Saudis themselves, both of whom have the history and pedigree that far outstrips a small provincial team from a German backwater. However, if the board work hard, they can definitely get this done. Fans should start a campaign immediately.

Bring Leo Messi to Bayern Munich!

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