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Scandal! Borussia Dortmund sympathizers attack Bayern Munich training

Like Joan Laporta’s promises, this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

FC Bayern München Pre-Season Training Session Photo by Nathan Zentveld/Getty Images

Herr Watzke has gone too far this time. As reported by Bild, a group of Borussia Dortmund sympathizers violently attacked Bayern Munich players in the training ground at the Sabener Strasse this week.

They were allegedly defending their nest, which is currently located on the fence of the main training ground, just twenty meters away from where Bayern stars practice shooting. The Beelievers saw Leroy Sane getting ready for his turn, and decided to act.

“I have been deeply stung by this incident,” said Robert Lewandowski after the fact. The striker was one of the closest to the fence when the attack came. “Something died inside me today. I will never watch the Bee Movie again.”

Dortmund CEO Hans Joachim Watzke was unavailable for comment.

Unfortunately BVB fans are a protected species, so laws prevent the Bayern groundskeepers from simply removing the nest from the premises. The Munich Nature Conservation Authority will only allow professional removal, with the aim of upsetting as few Dortmund fans as possible.

Until then, Leroy Sane will have to be banned from shooting practice. This should avoid rousing the Black-and-Yellow faithful until Bayern leave for their preseason tour in the United States. Once there, Sane can shoot to his heart’s content.

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