Rumored Bayern Munich target Cristiano Ronaldo hammers Manchester United

Bayern Munich was rumored to have interest in Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo over the summer, but the Bavarians ultimately decided against the pursuit.

That left CR7 stuck at United where he was largely unwanted, while also not wanting to be there himself.

What a conundrum by two completely likable entities.

Unable to force a move to this point, Ronaldo decided a new approach to get his way: Scorched Earth.

Ronaldo sat down with Piers Morgan and left bodies all over the studio. Let’s take a look at some of the subjects that CR7 hit on:

Manchester United manager Erik ten Hag

“I don’t have respect for Erik ten Hag because he doesn’t show respect for me. If you don’t have respect for me, I will never have any for you.”

Former Manchester United consultant Ralf Rangnick

“If you’re not even a coach, how are you going to be the boss of Manchester United? I’d never even heard of him.”

People at the club who have tried to get rid of him

“Not only the coach, but the other two or three guys around the club...I feel betrayed.”

Breaking down the roster and rebuilding Manchester United

“As Picasso said, you’ve to destroy it to rebuild it... and if they start with me, for me, it’s not a problem. A club of this size should be at the top, but this is not the case, there is no excuses.”

Wayne Rooney

“I don’t know why he criticizes me so badly...probably because he finished his career and I’m still playing at high level. I’m not going to say that I’m looking better than him. Which is true.”

BFW staffer Ineednoname

“If I find out who he is after writing this garbage, I am going to show him the true meaning of Portuguese Man O’ War.”

Okay, okay...I made that one up, but it honestly would have been believable at this point. BFW is not exactly an unknown site to the English media. I mean, the Daily Mail did feature Ineednoname and actually hired Jake!

Finally, there was Ronan Murphy, who delivered his own zinger on this whole situation:

(Quotes compiled from various sources such as Fabrizio Romano, SPORTbible, and ESPN UK)