Daily Schmankerl: Manchester City star Erling Haaland’s massive 6K calorie diet and water filtration obsession; Bayern Munich’s Joshua Kimmich and PSG’s Kylian Mbappe to save Manchester United?; Cristiano Ronaldo to Inter Miami?; & MORE!

Haaland’s diet raises eyebrows in England (The Sun)

When Bayern Munich missed on signing Erling Haaland, it probably also missed on the Norwegian bringing a complex dietary regimen to Säbener Straße.

So, what is it like? We think we know (joke inspired by The Sun’s initial report):

Kevin De Bruyne: “Erling’s in the cafeteria AGAIN...wait, what happened to Aymeric Laporte?”

Haaland: “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” (weird f-f-f sound)

Okay, maybe it’s not that extreme (they call him Daemon from House of the Dragon, not Dahmer after all), but Haaland does have some quirks to his diet and lifestyle. He only drinks water through a complex filtration system and tries to look at sunshine as soon as he wakes up in the morning.

Haaland is also an avowed carnivore.

“You (other people) don’t eat this, but I am concerned with taking care of my body. I think eating quality food that is as local as possible is the most important. Or the local cow eating grass right over there? I eat the heart and the liver,” said Haaland “I have also started to filtrate my water a bit. I think it can have great benefits for my body.”

Amazingly, Haaland is using a 6,000 calorie per day diet to sustain his physique and often tells the chefs at City’s training ground, “You should be my favorite people.”

For breakfast, Haaland will sometimes have a ham and cheese omelette. He also has a sweet spot for doner kebab pizza and grubs down on lasagna made by father Alfie.

Hilariously, Erase Steenslid, Haaland’s trainer at Dortmund, also made reference to Haaland always being “the closest to the buffet and his plate was literally a mountain of food.”

Bless that guy, if I look at a slice of pizza, I gain three pounds!

Journo suggests United should ink Kimmich, Mbappe (Give Me Sport)

How hapless is Manchester United? Well, journalists are now throwing out transfer propositions like a drunk at the corner bar near closing time (not that I have any experience in being that guy).

On such journo thinks United needs both Bayern Munich’s Joshua Kimmich and Paris Saint-Germain’s Kylian Mbappe to get back on track.

“Well, they can’t do anything. All they can do is wait for City’s demise. The difference is just too vast, they’re miles off it. In order to match KDB and Haaland, you would have to sign Mbappe and Joshua Kimmich, or something like that. You’re looking at players coming in that you just cannot attract at the moment. So unfortunately for United, they can try their best in the transfer window, but they’re still not going to match the level of player that Man City can attract,” said Dean Jones.

Ronaldo to Inter...Miami? (Sport1)

It seems like Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo could be considering a move to Inter Miami:

The rumors about a January farewell to Cristiano Ronaldo at Manchester United continue. Apparently, CR7 could even move to the USA. Because according to the Sun, Inter Miami are interested in the 37-year-old and want to bring him in the winter.

Owned by Man Utd legend David Beckham, the club is consistently associated with top stars. According to the Sun, Ronaldo can certainly imagine a change in the United States.

I am not a Ronaldo fan (for various reasons), but I fully acknowledge his greatness. Seeing him on the grass in Chester, PA on the visiting side would be quite a site to behold.

Bavarian Podcast Works: Weekend Warm-up Podcast Season 2, Episode 14

Bayern Munich had a good week in the Bundesliga and Champions League.

The squad is getting healthy after a string of injuries and a couple of bouts with COVID-19.

Things are looking decidedly good...right?

Hell yeah, they are!

There are plenty of reasons to be excited about the recent developments with the Bavarians and a whole lot to talk about in the great world of football. Here is what we have on tap for this episode:

• A look at Bayern Munich’s bounce-back week that might have cost Gerardo Seoane his job (Welcome Xabi Alonso!).
• Some thoughts on Der Klassiker.
• Transfer updates on Christopher Nkunku and Alexander Nübel.
• Erling Haaland is throttling the Premier League and EPL elitists don’t know how to handle it.
• Bayern Munich is at its best with Thomas Müller and Jamal Musiala working together...for now. Liverpool is among the clubs yearning for a player like Moose.

Goretzka recognized for effort (kicker via @iMiaSanMia)

Bayern Munich midfielder Leon Goretzka was lauded for his effort against Borussia Dortmund by kicker:

Gulacsi’s replacement in tow (@FabrizioRomano)

RB Leipzig goalkeeper Peter Gulacsi suffered a season-ending knee injury and the club made a quick move to replace his roster spot.

Örjan Nyland was without a team, but has now joined Die Roten Bullen:

Bavarian Podcast Works: Postgame Show — Borussia Dortmund 2-2 Bayern Munich (Bavarian Football Works)

Sooooo ... Bayern Munich went to the Signal Iduna Park and came out with a draw. Under normal circumstances you’d take that result, but when the team were leading Borussia Dortmund 2-0 at one point, a draw leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Once again, Bayern have dropped points where they shouldn’t have, meaning that the club is back in crisis again. When will it end?

Here are our talking points from the game:

• Our impressions of the result overall. What does this mean for Bayern Munich?
• Is Sadio Mane becoming a problem?
• Would the presence of Thomas Muller have prevented a collapse like this from happening?
• Did Bayern Munich get unlucky in this game?
• Is it time to ask questions about Julian Nagelsmann? What is going on?