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Leo Messi’s transfer to Bayern Munich is closer than ever

Like Barcelona’s financial situation, this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

FC Barcelona v RC Celta - La Liga Santander Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images

This just in, lads! According to a report by Marca (and corroborated by RAC1), Leo Messi’s move to Bayern Munich is just a matter of time! Okay, they don’t say that exactly, but it’s obvious when you read between the lines. Per the report, Barcelona still haven’t been able to get their star player signed onto a contract extension — in fact, the two parties are farther apart than ever.

Apparently, Barcelona are unwilling to accept the proposed investment by CVC into La Liga, as it would preclude them from joining a Super League in the future. However, without the CVC bailout, the Catalans face a daunting task of cutting their wage bill to be in compliance with the league’s salary cap, and they run the risk of not being able to register many of their players for the new season.

Messi’s deal actually expired a few weeks ago, but Barca president Laporta assured the fanbase that a contract extension was simply a matter of time. These new reports call all of that into question, and it’s obvious that Bayern Munich will finally make a bid to secure the Argentine’s services. Treble incoming, baby!

Right? Uh ... no

Obviously, if you believe any of that, you’re as gullible as the Barca fans who thought they stood a chance against Hansi Flick’s Bayern last year. Everyone knows that Messi isn’t on Bayern’s radar — unless Adidas comes out of the woodwork to pay his monstrous 100m euro a year salary, we won’t be seeing the Argentine in a Bayern shirt any time soon.

More realistically, if Messi and Barca don’t manage to come to some agreement, the player may move to Manchester City or PSG. Those are the only two clubs with the finances to really afford him at the moment, and both have the connections to make it happen. City have the allure of Guardiola, who Messi has worked with before, while PSG have Neymar — one of Messi’s best friends and a man he once mentored in his time at Barca.

Bayern don’t fit into the equation, and we probably never will. Though if you think I was lying with my headline, you’re sorely mistaken. Messi IS closer to Bayern — but only by a few centimeters. The gap between him and us remains as vast as the distance between the earth and the Sun.


Update

This came out just as we were writing this, but it’s official! OMG.

Brazzo, get him on the phone RIGHT NOW.


Update #2

Manchester City have given Grealish the number 10.

Surely Messi can only come to Bayern now? I'm sure we can convince Sane to take a different number. After all, he already has the #19 tattooed on his back.

But how will Bayern pay for him? Well ...