I’d like to thank former Bavarian Football Works chief John N. Dillon for alerting me to this bit of news.
Per the DFL, Holstein Kiel and Wolfsburg have the most immaculate — and excellent — pitches in Germany.
Kiel, who infamously knocked Bayern Munich out of the DFB-Pokal, is now turning into every 80s teen movie bully, just shoving Bayern Munich into lockers left and right.
Picture it now, Bayern Munich sneaking into the bathroom and putting a hose in over the stall to spray down Holstein Kiel only have all of Kiel chasing Bayern Munich down and putting a beating on them until a wise, old grass sage (me?) shows up to save the day.
All of this, of course, leads to me getting drunk and incoherent, while a young and confused Fiete Arp sees an old picture of me and my wife before he ultimately leads Bayern Munich to glory in next season All Germany Grass Tournament.
Did I take that a little too far? Ok...I did, but I am immediately starting filming that fan-fic flick. Can we get Ineednoname a blonde wig to play Arp?
Anyway, Wolfsburg getting the nod might even more of a slight and this aggression will not stand...man.
What a perfect lawn looks like? HOW DARE YOU!
A sumptuous, luscious, and downright sexy piece of grass like the Allianz Arena, just isn’t for everyone I guess. I’m not here to lawn-shame what anyone else is into, but if you don’t just want to roll around on this turf, you are just a pasture prude, who should go back to scoring dog tracks instead of the sultry sod laid down in Munich.
Get your head out of your grass, DFL!