Daily Schmankerl: Bayern Munich almost signed Zlatan Ibrahimovic; Penguins at the Santiago Bernabeu?; Borussia Dortmund names its price on Erling Haaland; and MORE!

What if...Bayern had actually bought Zlatan? (@cfbayern)

Sport Bild’s Christian Falk put his “True/Not True” on display once again when he captured Uli Hoeness recounting that the Bavarians were contemplating buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic at one point.

The hitch? Zlatan’s his exorbitant salary demands got in the way on what would have been an absolutely insane ride.

The full quote (as captured by Goal) went like this: “He’s a great player, but his demands were also god-like. We were interested once, but didn’t even get to the main course.”

While the timeframe is only list as “years ago”, it would be fascinating to know exactly when the period was.

WTF: Penguins invade Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeu (@theMadridZone)

Just when you thought things could not get any more strange:

Reus touts Haaland (Bundesliga.com)

Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus is amazed by Erling Haaland:

“I’ve never seen anyone like Haaland at this club,” the 31-year-old told the kicker meets DAZN podcast. Considering Reus played alongside Robert Lewandowski for two years, as well as the likes of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Paco Alcacer, that is quite the statement.

“He’s unique. He’s still very young. He’s developed massively over the past six to nine months. He’s become really good with the ball at his feet and with a defender at his back. That wasn’t the case when he first joined us, but his achievements and goals give him an unbelievable power that helps us.”

€180 million for Haaland? (ESPN)

Per ESPN, Borussia Dortmund allegedly has established its sale price for Erling Haaland:

Erling Haaland’s transfer fee this summer has been set by Borussia Dortmund, sources told ESPN, with interested clubs needing €180 million in order to land one of the most sought after players in world football.

The striker moved to Dortmund last year amid fierce interest from Manchester United, but the Bundesliga side managed to secure a deal after agreeing to include a release clause in his contract. That clause is not active until the summer of 2022. Clubs can sign Haaland this summer but the €180m Dortmund are asking for represents a premium for losing him before the clause kicks in next year.

United, Manchester City, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Barcelona and Bayern Munich all have varying levels of interest in the Norway international, but in a transfer market impacted by the coronavirus pandemic, Dortmund hope their €180m valuation will keep Haaland at the club for another year.

Sources had told ESPN that senior figures at Chelsea believed they could tempt Dortmund into a deal this summer, but this was before the Bundesliga side’s position on Haaland’s fee became clear.

Love this (@TrollFootball)

So great...

Younes remembers 2017 Confederations Cups glory (DFB.de)

One of my favorite tournaments in recent memory was the 2017 Confederations Cup. Sure, it was a meaningless set of matches, but it was peak Joachim Low — back when he still had a feel for how to manage his players. To take a “B” team to that tourney and perform so well, was just incredibly impressive.

Anyway, Amine Younes was on that squad and recalled how tight that team was over the course of the tournament.

“We were a very close-knit bunch and had so much quality in the team, but most importantly we worked well as a team. There were a lot of new players there and the fact that we were able to win without much preparation beforehand really shows the quality of player that Germany has. I hope that we’ll be able to win more titles again, just like we did then,” said Younes.

As for his return to the German national team,

“I didn’t expect it to work out so quickly. I wasn’t sure where I stood when I came to Frankfurt,” Younes said. “I’m very happy to have been invited back again and to have the chance to train and play with Germany’s best players. The most important thing for me is that the performance is right and things are really clicking in that regard at the moment in Frankfurt.”

Remembering how good Kahn was between the sticks (@ChampionsLeague)

Every day seems like a good day to see re-live some Oliver Kahn highlights:

Dad smashes kid...laughter ensues (@SundayShoutsFC)

I’m a bad person for laughing at this:

As someone who has arguably done some stupid things as a dad:

We used to have a mini-hockey set and when my kids were younger, I used to take a soft, squishy ball and shoot it at them as they ran across the living room. They thought this was fun. I thought it was fun. Then one of my shots went awry and broke one of my wife’s decorations. Then I probably set a bad standard with my kids by super-gluing the head back on this decoration (some sort of faceless figurine type thing) and pretending nothing happened. I am an idiot. My wife found it one day and I tried to play dumb (like someone would break into the house, knock the figurine over, super glue the head back on, and then leave), but she caught me. I had no good alibi!

Anyway, despite my own parental failing, this video was still funny.