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Daily Schmankerl: Theatre of the absurd...Bayern Munich linked to Manchester United’s David de Gea; Chelsea does not have Niklas Süle atop its wish list; Robert Lewandowski needs his hair perfect; Harry Kane and Denis Zakaria rumors; plus MORE!

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Here we go! Bayern Munich vs. Lazio in the Champions League!

Manchester United v Newcastle United - Premier League Photo by Oli Scarff - Pool/Getty Images

De Gea to Bayern? (Sky Sports)

Don’t shoot the messenger.

There have been some absurd Bayern Munich-related transfer rumors, but this one might take the cake. Per Spanish outlet Fichajes (as captured by Sky Sports), the Bavarians are among three clubs interested in De Gea with Juventus and Paris-Saint Germain also in the (*cough*) running (*cough*):

Manchester United goalkeeper David de Gea is wanted by Juventus, Bayern Munich and PSG amid uncertainty over his Old Trafford future, according to Spanish publication Fichajes. De Gea, 30, has a contract at United until June 2023, with the option for a year extension, and has made 23 appearances this season for United.

I would LOLOLOLOL this forever if I could. This type of rumor is typically reserved for Don Balon. Is there a new challenger to the throne with Fichajes? People are asking...

Falk flexxxxes on Süle rumors (@cfbayern)

Niklas Süle’s future with Bayern Munich is considered to be uncertain in some circles. One thing that is certain — at least to Sport Bild chief Christian Falk — is that Süle is not the number one target on Chelsea’s transfer list:

In my mind, it is way too early to give up on Süle, but I am absolutely a bit worried that he might not want to stick around to be part of a three center-back rotation in Bavarian next season.

Lewy need his hair to be on-point for this interview (@UCLonCBSSports)

Bayern Munich star Robert Lewandowski needed to ensure his hair was just right before filming this interview:

Werner brought “down to earth” (Sport Bild)

Yesterday, we ran part of Timo Werner’s interview with kicker, where he stated that he missed playing with Thomas Müller. Today, Werner gave a quote that makes me want to convince a team to bring him back to Germany ASAP.

“Of course I noticed that in such a lull you are no longer necessarily referred to as a super striker. In the last few months I’ve been brought down to earth,” said Werner.

Look, I think Werner is going to be successful with Chelsea. I think he’s been hammered pretty unfairly (par for the course in England) and probably is battling a bit with confidence given this whole experience. But man, it is painful to see a good young player start to buy-in to the nonsense being spewed around him.

I cringed when Werner made the move and have not really stopped cringing since. I’m sure the money is terrific, but man, you only get one sporting life. Be happy and play while you can.

At this stage, I’m pretty much turning into Dennis Farina’s character Cousin Avi from the movie Snatch whenever I see a Bundesliga player linked with a move to the Premier League:

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare?

Cousin Avi: Yeah, don’t go to England.

Kane to PSG if Mbappe leaves (Transfer Market Web)

Should Kylian Mbappe leave Paris-Saint Germain this summer, Mauricio Pochettino might be looking to bring in his old charge Harry Kane from Tottenham Hotspur as a replacement:

According to Daily Mirror, PSG management are planning a move at English international striker Harry Kane (27), to act on which they ought to hand Kylian Mbappé out. Tottenham star, recently set a 150 million pounds transfer fee upon, would reunite with former boss of his, Mauricio Pochettino.

Corley to TSG1899 (@FCBfrauen)

Bayern Munich Frauen player Gia Corley will move to Hoffenheim after the season:

City leads on Zakaria (Transfer Market Web)

Manchester City not only leads the Premier League, but also the hunt for Borussia Mönchengladbach midfielder Denis Zakaria:

According to latest UK news, Manchester City are managing to get the upper hand over 24-year old Swiss centre-back/half-back Denis Zakaria. Meant to leave Borussia Monchengladbach on an about 38 million euros transfer fee, the player is still tracked by many more A-listers, including Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool, Bayern Munich, and Atletico Madrid.

Zakaria — like his teammate Florian Neuhaus — has been heavily linked to Bayern Munich.