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Daily Schmankerl: Bayern Munich’s Joshua Kimmich and Jerome Boateng cleared in potential haircut scandal; Thomas Tuchel supporting Timo Werner at Chelsea; Ivan Perisic missed out Everton move; and MORE!

Everything is a “scandal” these days at Bayern Munich.

RB Salzburg v FC Bayern Muenchen: Group A - UEFA Champions League Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

(Editor’s note: Due to a snafu in our scheduling platform, you got your fresh Schmankerl four hours early today)

Despite forbidden tattoos, COVID-19, the transfer deadline, and haircuts at home, Bayern is doing just fine (Tz)

It has been a heck of a week in the world of off-the-field news for Bayern Munich. We saw Leon Goretzka and Javi Martinez felled by COVID-19, Corentin Tolisso received the most expensive tattoo in history, and two of the club’s top, young prospects ushered out the door on loan assignments.

This probably should not have been so easy to handle for Hansi Flick, but somehow the cool, calm, and collected 55-year-old took it all in stride with a “we will be more vigilant”-type response.

FC Bayern Muenchen v TSG Hoffenheim - Bundesliga
Joshua Kimmich’s hair became a focal point of last weekend’s game, but everyone can relax: That man has no blend or fade. This was clearly a homebound haircut!
Photo by Harry Langer/DeFodi Images via Getty Images

“It just shows that we have to adhere to the guidelines even more closely,” Flick said.

What Flick probably didn’t anticipate was that two of his key players would be drawing some heat from fans and hairdressers alike: People wanted to know, how exactly did Joshua Kimmich and Jerome Boateng take the pitch against Hoffenheim with such fresh cuts?

Don’t get your curlers wound too tight, Kimmich’s girlfriend Lina reportedly took a run at his lettuce, while Boateng allegedly did a little self-styling with his hair.

FC Bayern Muenchen v TSG Hoffenheim - Bundesliga
Jerome Boateng either has some serious skills or he had some “help.”
Photo by Harry Langer/DeFodi Images via Getty Images

As we already know, the German Hairdresser Association was ready to launch a “Battle of the Bastards” style attack at Borussia Dortmund. Taking money out of the pockets of Germany’s hairdressers is pretty frowned up in the COVID-19 Era. With some 80,000 members out of work or on a limited income, this is a very serious matter. Still, maybe jumping to conclusions on social media when seeing a player with a haircut is not the best way to handle it for anyone...or was it?

BFW Analysis

As an expert in bad hair, I can assure you that the lack of blend or fade in Joshua Kimmich’s hair was the handy work of an amateur. You might ask how I am so sure? Because — legitimately — my dad used to cut my hair occasionally in high school and when he did, I always suffered a massive “ledge.” My head went from a lot of hair on top to bald on the side — with no blend to be seen. Sorry Dad, your haircuts were terrible!

Where Kimmich’s hair had a ledge feel to it, Boateng’s looks suspiciously good. Like almost too good. Still, we’ll have to take him at his word, but as you can see in the picture on this page, Boateng has some extremely good clipper work done in the back that I would personally have NO CHANCE to complete successfully on myself.

So, tell us Jerome, where were you on the night of Friday January 29th...

Tuchel supporting Werner (Sky Sport)

Chelsea manager Thomas Tuchel is not about to write-off Timo Werner.

“He’s totally into it and gives everything. Every striker in the world is sensitive and nothing helps more than goals,” said Tuchel after his team downed Burnley FC 2-0 in the English Premier League. “As long as he has that influence and works as he did today, we will support him. He has to work hard. Maybe he’ll get an easy goal from a meter away. Or someone shoots him in the knee and the ball goes in. He’ll find that one extra percent.”

Tuchel is correct. A lot of any scorer’s mentality is based on confidence and comfort. Werner clear dealt with some discomfort in how he was used under Frank Lampard and his confidence also took a major hit.

Here’s to hoping Werner can find his scoring touch and shut a lot of people in London up.

Perisic missed out on England move (Football Insider)

Ivan Perisic is not quite buried as deep in the doghouse of Antonio Conte as he was last season. Still, Perisic probably could have benefitted from a chance of scenery and rumor had it that he was potentially headed to Everton:

Everton are plotting a deadline-day swoop for Inter Milan winger Ivan Perisic, Football Insider can exclusively reveal. The Merseysiders have turned their attention to the Croatia international as they look for a replacement for exit-bound Bernard. An Everton source has told Football Insider the club have registered their interest in Perisic, 31, ahead of Monday night’s cut-off.

As we found out later yesterday from Fabrizio Romano, Inter Milan opted against selling Perisic and Daily Schmankerl Rumor Champion Christian Eriksen: would have been so awesome to bring Perisic back to Bayern Munich for the stretch run of this season.

Neymar not going anywhere (Sport Bild)

Neymar has a contract with Paris Saint-Germain through 2022 and it does not look as if the talented Brazilian will be going anywhere just yet.

“I also want Kylian (Mbappe) to stay. We want PSG to be a big team. I have a relationship with him like a brother. I am the older one,” said Neymar. “We love to play together. We are very similar and we have to feel comfortable to give 100 percent.”

Should Mbappe decided to bolt, it will be interesting to see if Neymar’s feelings change on the matter.

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