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Daily Schmankerl: Bayern interested in Ben Yedder, competing with Chelsea for Ter Stegen, FIFA to award Player of the Year, and more!

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Bayern Munich is so hungry for players, they’ll take anyone with a pulse and a €40-€72 million price tag.

FBL-FRA-LIGUE1-NICE-MONACO
“I’m a jumping tea pot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.”
Photo by VALERY HACHE/AFP via Getty Images

Bayern Munich (probably not) interested in Wissam Ben Yedder (RMC Sport)

A report in France originating with the newspaper Nice-Matin claims that Bayern Munich is interested in 29-year-old Monaco forward Wissam Ben Yedder. Ben Yedder is supposedly also interested in other options after Monaco has failed to qualify for European competition for the second year in a row amid ongoing coaching instability.

Although Monaco ended up in 9th place, Ben Yedder finished the season tied with Kylian Mbappé at 18 goals. Ben Yedder himself revealed in March that Barcelona had inquired about him several times, but no transfer materialized.

RMC notes that Ben Yedder would enjoy the visibility Bayern Munich could give him, playing in the Champions League, “especially since the Bavarian club has high ambitions for next season after signing former Manchester City player Leroy Sané.”

But nothing in this story suggests why Bayern would have the remotest interest in Ben Yedder, especially after signing Leroy Sané. Ben Yedder is a center-forward, and Bayern is not about to blow €40 million or more for a 29-year-old backup to a 31-year-old Robert Lewandowski.

And I’m not sure appearing on the bench in the Champions League next season is the kind of visibility that Ben Yedder would appreciate.

Bayern vying with Chelsea offer for Marc-André Ter Stegen (Daily Mail)

...

Hahahahahahhahaha

Sorry, had to get that out. This story ... Wow. So yeah, the Daily Mail says “reports in Spain claim the Blues have already put an undisclosed offer in to the Catalan club.” Those “reports” appear to be a lonely article from veritable fount of truth Cadena SER summarizing an episode of “Què T’hi Jugues!” (“What are you playing?”).

They were talking about Marc-André Ter Stegen, obviously, and one commenter, Santi Ovalle, noted that he and Barcelona both want to work out a contract extension. But:

[Ovalle] also explained that Ter Stegen has offers from major European clubs on the table and that it will not be easy to reach an agreement. As Cristóbal Chassaigne later commented, these two clubs seem to be Chelsea and Bayern Munich.

And “reports in Spain” were born! See, there are two guys talking on that radio show. So that makes two reports. Hence the plural.

Yeah, ok, these guys are batshit crazy. Bayern already poked a hornet’s nest by signing Alexander Nübel on a free transfer. Could you imagine the shitstorm if they actually courted (let alone signed!) Neuer’s national team rival? I don’t know what they’re smoking in Barcelona, but I’ll have what they’re having, please.

FIFA looking at options to award Player of the Year (AZ)

Robert Lewandowski may have a chance at international glory and richly deserved recognition after all. According to the German Press Agency (via AZ), FIFA is planning on honoring the best male and female players of the season after all, and after France Football canceled the Ballon d’Or.

Bayern CEO Karl-Heinz Rummenigge said the other day that he would call FIFA president Gianni Infantino about the nudging France Football to reconsider. Perhaps that call inspired Infantino to marshal his power at FIFA instead.

A spokesperson told the DPA that FIFA is “scrutinizing different options” for holding the award. The ceremony originally planned for September 21 was canceled.

UEFA is definitely planning to honor its best players. According to the report, the event will take place near the drawing for the group phase of the Europa Cup in early October. The nominees will be announced after the competitions end in August.

Davies in the Players’ Tribune (Players’ Tribune)

Alphonso Davies appeared in the Players’ Tribune yesterday in a piece titled, “Moving Past the Doubt.” In it, Davies recounts his self-doubt when he was first signed by the Vancouver Whitecaps as a 14-year-old. He was called up to train with the senior team at 15, where the players “played the ball much harder and faster than I did.” He struggled but he kept going:

So I kept training with the first team. Day by day I adapted slightly more. Then in this one session I pulled off this trick on the captain. He is nearly seven-foot. Big guy. I did this move on him — I can’t really explain what it was or how I did it — but I went past him, and all the other players were like, “OOOOOHHH!!

Phonzie kept on going and going after that, too, with more confidence. But he says he stayed out of that player’s way for the rest of the season.

You have to win the Champions League for me, Thiago!

He may be on his way out of Munich, but Thiago is still doing his part for the fans while he’s here.

Thorsten Frings as washed-up grunge star

Help me out, fam: which aging 90s grunge front man does Thorsten Frings look like? He’s kinda close to Eddie Vedder, but that’s not right. Who though? Any ideas?

Anyway, everyone thought he was going to sign as coach with Meppen, but he hasn’t yet for various reasons, etc. etc.

Air Jerome

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Fly Like Mike ✈️

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Lewy coming at Phonzie for the Tik Tok crown