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Bayern Munich FURIOUS as Leroy Sane shows up late to first team training

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Like penalties in Serie A, this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

Bayern Munich striker Joshua Zirkzee
Not Leroy Sané.
Photo by Matthias Balk/picture alliance via Getty Images

Strap in gents, because FC Hollywood is back in business. Leroy Sané (pictured above) has just stoked the fury of Bayern Munich as the winger arrived LATE to his first team training session. As documented by Bild’s premier bush-hiding reporter Dennis Brosda, the coach and his teammates greeted the former Manchester City star with silent disapproval, like how my father looks at me when I get an A on a test instead of an A+.

The severity of the transgression cannot be understated. With training set to begin at 10:30 am on the dot, Sané arrived on the pitch a full sixty seconds late. Coach Hansi Flick pointed at his watch as if to tell the tale of his doom. Sané may have required first aid after suffering burns from the withering look Robert Lewandowski gave him.

The fallout from this incident is likely to be drastic. Karl-Heinz Rummenigge is reported to already be searching for potential replacements for the winger, with Juventus star Paulo Dybala at the top of the list. When told that Dybala is in fact not a winger, KHR avoided further questions.

Pep Guardiola, meanwhile, is said to have posted the following message on the Bayern Munich team WhatsApp group:

Told ya suckers, his attitude is scheisse! He’s your problem now!

The Spaniard has since been removed from the group by admin Kathleen Krüger. Here Flick and Sané seemingly come to blows over the latter’s attitude:

Good news

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. The good news is that Alexander Nübel and Manuel Neuer made it through their first training session together without murdering each other. After bumping fists to say “hallo,” the two didn’t cross paths for the rest of the session.

This setup once again shows Hansi Flick’s tactical ingenuity, and proves why he’s the man to lead Bayern in the Champions League this August.