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Daily Schmankerl: Real Madrid target Kingsley Coman to replace “flop” Eden Hazard, Bayern star offered to Barcelona, and more!

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Don Balon really came though for us this week. Enjoy the most ridiculous collection of rumors you’ll ever see.

FC Bayern Muenchen v Sport-Club Freiburg - Bundesliga Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

Florentino Perez wants Kingsley Coman to replace the “flop” Eden Hazard (Don Balon)

Title says it all, really. This is premium transfer content, you won’t get it anywhere else. According to Spain’s #1 source of football news, Real Madrid president Florentino Perez is looking at Bayern Munich winger Kingsley Coman to be his “ace in the hole”. How so? The Frenchman is seen as a replacement to Eden Hazard, who’s been a disappointment since his big move from Chelsea a year ago.

If you’re struggling to hold back the laughter, I can’t blame you. Other than the fact that Coman and Hazard are both wingers (sort of — they don’t even have the same playstyle), nothing about this rumor makes a modicum of sense. And that’s the true beauty of it. It’s not about making sense. Such things are for the consideration of mere mortals. Don Balon shows us what is possible when logic, decency, and dignity are abandoned in the pursuit of art.

In case you’re upset that you got “baited” by a clickbait headline, you can complain to the SB Nation authorities via this link.

Corentin Tolisso offered himself to Barcelona before the Pjanic deal (Don Balon)

You thought we were done? The Don is never done. He is relentless, all conquering — a true maverick in the footballing world. According to this report, Corentin Tolisso offered himself to Barcelona before they acquired Miralem Pjanic from Juventus. The player apparently saw himself as a replacement for Sergio Busquets, but is now fed up of waiting for Bartomeu to make an offer. So he’s gone and offered himself to Madrid instead.

Uhh, what? You read that right. The Don got the scoop on two huge moves in the transfer market, without anyone knowing! Isn’t that incredible? I hope I don’t need to explain why the moves didn’t go through — they should be self-explanatory at this point.

Douglas Costa scores an incredible goal

Hey, Douglas Costa. Remember him? He scored for Juventus last night. The goal looks kinda familiar ...

A classic “now say that without crying” moment

Last home game of the season for Bayern II, coming right up

Bayern lead the table with two games left to play. Hopefully the boys get a win and rub it in the rest of the league’s faces.

Oliver Kahn congratulates Brazzo on his new appointment

That’s all folks!

Update

You can watch Bayern II vs MSV Duisburg live on YouTube right now! Click here to watch. Feel free to comment on the game below. Here’s Bayern’s starting lineup, Wriedt and Kohn are missing as their contracts expired.