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Three ways how Bayern Munich can settle the feud between Hansi Flick and Brazzo

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Like an opposition attacker’s chances of running past Alphonso Davies, this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

Schalke 04 v Bayern Munchen - German DFB Pokal Photo by Jeroen Meuwsen/Soccrates/Getty Images

We’re knee deep in quarantine at the moment, and only Bayern Munich can save us from the vast emptiness of our lives. Unfortunately, there are no games on at the moment. So what is a mere football club supposed to do?

Luckily, according to Sport Bild, there’s a feud brewing over the horizon. Bayern sporting director Hasan Salihamidzic and coach Hansi Flick don’t see eye to eye on incoming transfers. Brazzo wants to bring in Leroy Sane, and he has been working to that end — while Flick prefers Kai Havertz and Timo Werner for his team. Neither party is particularly enthusiastic about the other’s choices.

The disagreement between and coach and the SD threatens to derail Bayern’s summer, which is set to be one of the most challenging in the club’s history. With coronavirus shutdowns wreaking havoc on the football world (as well as the world at large), this upcoming summer transfer window could be especially chaotic. No is not the time for a club like Bayern to have disagreements on way forward.

So how should the bosses decide this conundrum? Well, here are a few options:

Option #1: Bare-knuckle boxing

FBL-GER-BUNDESLIGA-BAYERN MUNICH-MAINZ
Imagine this but without the gloves.
Photo credit should read PHILIPP GUELLAND/AFP via Getty Images

Watching two respected members of the football community beat each other bloody with their bare hands? For those of us currently bored out of our minds, it sounds like a wonderful respite from the tedium of daily existence.

Bayern could stream the match on a PPV basis, and the funds would probably cover the whole Sane transfer. Just imagine the scene — the lights, the glitz, the glamour. We get Derek Rae and Phil Bonney to commentate. Hansi yells “this one’s for Timo!” and jabs Barzzo in the jaw with a nasty left hook. Brazzo catches a glimpse of Sane’s magnificent afro in the crowd, and it motivates him to fight through the pain anime-style and counter with an uppercut. By the end, the ring is the same color as Bayern’s home jersey. The victor takes all.

It would be ... beautiful.

Option #2: Fox only, no items, Final Destination

If maintaining quarantine is a concern, then let’s go the digital route. Get both competitors a game cube, start a club Twitch account, and watch them flail helplessly against their own ineptitude. Smash Bros Melee is chosen for the purists, but it could be substituted for Smash Bros Ultimate if need be. Brazzo might be at a disadvantage here — Hansi is a known gamer.

Other potential video game substitutes include:

  • A Mario Kart 8 duel, 200cc.
  • A showdown on, well ... Pokemon Showdown.
  • A round of FIFA 20. Both players use their desired transfers in their teams.

Option #3: Actually talking it out like regular professional people

That would be boring. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to this.

Poll

How should Brazzo and Hansi resolve their differences?

This poll is closed

  • 34%
    Violence
    (142 votes)
  • 24%
    Video games
    (102 votes)
  • 40%
    The reasoning behind this article is flawed. Disagreements will always arise at the management level, and Bayern are a club that has always risen above such petty squabbles. By the time the transfer window rolls around, we will have a plan in place.
    (166 votes)
410 votes total Vote Now