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Daily Schmankerl: Bayern Munich’s Thomas Müller wants to be a “sperm millionaire” per Bild; Manuel Neuer eyes another trophy; Bundesliga farmers flashing skills; Lionel Messi’s potential destinations; New Luka Jovic rumors; and MORE!

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FC Bayern Muenchen v Lokomotiv Moskva: Group A - UEFA Champions League Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

Who wants to be a “sperm millionaire”? (Bild)

Well, hopefully you aren’t eating breakfast. According to Bild, Bayern Munich’s Thomas Müller wants to be a “sperm millionaire.” Specifically, Bild rolled out this headline: “Müller now wants to become a sperm millionaire.”

Now... before those wheels in your head start spinning, the Raumdeuter is not planning on following Zlatan Ibrahimović’s plan to make the USMNT a world power, but instead is talking about his horses:

For insemination you can choose from the three stallions “D’Avie”, “Four Roses”, and “Bowmore”.

Will world champion Müller become a sperm millionaire in addition to his soccer millions?

The trade in the semen of breeding horses is a million dollar business: an insemination of double world champion “D’Avie” costs €1600 at the Müllers (€500 for insemination, €1100 for pregnancy), a stallion can produce hundreds of offspring.

I....I just can’t. Let’s move on.

Neuer eyes Club World Cup win (Abendzeitung)

Bayern Munich goalkeeper Manuel Neuer thinks his team is ready to meet the challenges of the second half of the season head-on — and that includes winning the Club World Cup.

“We are doing well in all three competitions,” said Neuer. “We naturally want to build on our successes, win the Club World Cup in February to round off our successful year in 2020 and come back with countable successes at the end of a very difficult season.”

It does not appear as if the burgeoning locomotive engineered by Hansi Flick is ready to slow down any time soon.

#MüllerMafia in meme form (@FCBayernUS)

Here you go #MüllerMafia...enjoy (non-sperm millionaire section of the Schmankerl):

While that one was very good, I’m a bit partial to this one from our Tweet Meister, Tommy Adams:

What will the new Müller memes look like after that news from the lead story? That is a thought, not a challenge internet!

Jovic gaining more suitors (Transfer Market Web)

Real Madrid striker Luka Jovic has already been linked to Bundesliga clubs Eintracht Frankfurt and Hertha Berlin, but there are quite a few others keeping tabs on the 23-year-old:

According to AS, Serbian international striker Luka Jovic (23), while tempted to join Eintracht Frankfurt back, is allured by the chance for his first Premier League tenure, with Wolverhampton, looking for a Raul Jimenez temporary replacement, tracking him. Currently on a deal with Real Madrid until June 2024, former Eintracht hitman is still tracked by a bunch of clubs around, including AC Milan, AS Monaco, and Hertha Berlin.

Eintracht Frankfurt would seemingly be good and comfortable spot for Jovic, while Hertha Berlin at least puts him back in a league he is familiar with. AS Monaco, however, would reunite him with Mr. 99 Luftballoons himself, Niko Kovac, who was Jovic’s manager for Die Adler.

Badstuber is the highest paid player in the Regionalliga as his career winds down (Tz)

Holger Badstuber’s promising career was derailed by numerous injuries. The one-time Bayern Munich defender now finds himself earning €2.5 million per year as a part of VfB Stuttgart II in Regionalliga Südwest.

Despite what many would see as a slight or stepdown, Badstuber is still plugging away and finds the messages that he gets from fans “motivating and positive. It’s pure energy.

While some supporters — and surely come of Badstuber’s colleagues — might wonder why he keeps going, the 31-year-old simply appears to be enjoying the game he loves for as long as he can. As you can see in the comments to his Instagram post (if you click on the post), Badstuber still has the support of the fans — and that will surely be enough to help keep him motivated for at least the rest of this season:

Bundesliga skills for December (@Bundesliga_EN)

Bunch of farmers, I tell ya:

SI breaks down scenarios for Messi (Sports Illustrated)

Sports Illustrated looked at Lionel Messi’s messy situation with FC Barcelona and also examined where he could potentially land. The verdict? Some of the possibilities are not exactly a surprise if you factor in the “less-than-a-handful” of clubs who can afford Messi’s exorbitant salary:

He has spoken in the past of a return to Newell’s Old Boys, the club he has always supported and where he played as a child. But if Manchester City or Paris Saint-Germain really did want him and were prepared to pay his exorbitant salary, it’s hard to imagine Messi turning them down.

Messi’s astonishment at how Barca handled Luis Suarez seems to also be playing a bigger role in his desire to bolt that he initially let on:

Although he maintained the decision to sell Luis Suarez to Atlético Madrid, which currently is atop the table, had not directly influenced his transfer request, he did feel “it was crazy the way his exit was handled and that Barcelona let him go to a direct rival. … He left for free, paying the remaining years of his contract, and he joined a team that fights for the same objectives as us. Unbelievable.”

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