My Probably Bad Take: Bayern Munich should build a football empire

At Bavarian Football Works, we are using this midseason break to expose ourselves (phrasing!). When working on Bayern Munich news and opinions on 24x7x365 basis, the entire staff develops some very good — and some very, very bad — takes. Whether these takes are relevant to past, present, or future opinions, we are going to let you in on some of the stupid things we think as part of a series. Without further ado, BFW will let is all hang out (damn it! phrasing again!).

My Probably Bad Take: Bayern Munich should build a football empire

Distressed assets galore!

In the immortal words of Warren Buffett, “Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful.” The football downturn caused by rampant player inflation and pandemic interruption has left many teams around the world in a vulnerable state. With unmanageable debt, and challenging payrolls, teams that are loaded with talent and potential, are there for the taking. It’s time to build the Bayern Empire.

My modest proposal is for Bayern to team up with an international financial group to acquire a teams in a multitude of leagues to provide them with a means to horde talent, dodge the rules, and make a fortune. Have too many good young players but already maxed out on your loans? No problem, stash the player at newly acquired Aberdeen. Helicopter mom in the United States doesn’t want junior going to europe so young? No worries, just sign him at SK Washington and hook him up with a congressional internship at the same time.

Quantum Chess Time

To increase the value of the acquisitions you place the clubs where it will cause your other imperial rivals to weaken. Perhaps the first acquisition could be say...Rapid Vienna? German speaking city, already play in the Alliance Arena, and only a few hours from Munich. The bonus? If you stock the team properly with talent, you make it competitive in the Austrian Bundesliga and force Salzburg to retain more talent to contest the title rather than just flipping the next player onto the conveyor belt to Leipzig.

Come on, you know you want to see Bayern buy a Championship club in England, manage it up to the English Premier League and then instruct the boys to cynically foul everyone who can walk at Chelsea the week before they play us in the Champions League. Is there any sacrifice too great to see Bayern’s second team winning the EPL? We could redefine the treble to include winning the Bundesliga, Champions League and EPL all in the same season! Plus when players get to old for the big club, we can have a cozy retirement spot and coaching job waiting for them.

When others starve, we acquire. All hail Kaiser Uli!

Anyone know how to say “mia san mia” in Japanese?