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If you celebrate Christmas, you probably woke up and took a peek under the tree to see if Santa Claus left you that something special that you’ve been wanting all year.
Unfortunately, I did the same and ended up disappointed.
Very disappointed.
So, what did I want? What have I been pining over for more than a year now? What could a person like me possibly want so badly?
It might surprise you.
A new car like in that awful commercial where the husband gets screwed out of the vehicle he wanted by his wife, who he no doubt eventually divorced?
Nope.
A Fiete Arp Bayern Munich II kit (FULL KIT WANKER FOR LIFE!)?
I wouldn’t turn it down, but no...although you are getting warmer.
Truthfully, all I really wanted was the video of Niko Kovac singing karaoke to Nena’s “99 Luftballoons.”
Yup, I just wanted the video of Kovac belting out this classic:
Deep state members of the Bayern Munich organization who are hoarding this masterpiece and withholding its glory from the masses, you have let me down.
This footage has been floating around on someone’s phone for more than a year now and it still has not seen the light of day.
We’ve seen Arp singing “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” Alphonso Davies doing his best impression of Whitney Houston, and Lucas Hernandez show his Richie Vales fandom, but the video of Kovac lending his pipes to Nena’s 80s anthem has never emerged.
I was hoping for a “Christmas Miracle”, but alas, I was left out in the cold.
Maybe next year, I guess...are you listening Bayern Munich social media team?
Not all bad news! Cobra Kai is back earlier than expected!
Cobra Kai returns on January 1st!
Don’t hate on a “A Christmas Story”
Like everything in life, something great always starts to get torn down by haters. Recently, there was been some slander on social media that “A Christmas Story” is overrated — and I scoff loudly and violently at that assertion!
SCOFF! SCOFF!
I’m not saying the movie translates perfectly to the modern world, but man, it is a tremendous throwback to a much simpler time. I still crack a smile at certain scenes, even though I have seen them a few hundred times.
I’m not going to sit back and lay out the thousands of reasons why you shouldn’t hate on this classic, but I will list my top three scenes:
- Ralphie drops the F bomb: Come on! This is one of the absolute best — and relatable — scenes ever. I’m going to make a confession...as a kid, I had a mouth as foul as any truck driver could ever aspire to. I grew up in a neighborhood in the 80s where most of the kids were older and let’s just say it was not exactly the upper crust of society. The kids were not exactly “nice” like many are today. Regardless, I never quite had this exact moment with my parents, but I almost slipped several times. And while I curse all day, every day...I still don’t curse in front of them. I am complex.
- The reality of Flick being stuck: As a kid who absolutely did a lot of stupid things, the reality that Flick was outside with his tongue stuck to a frozen pole (phrasing! — and did you know that the actor who played Flick went on to a career in adult films? It’s okay, the link is to his Wikipedia page not his film library.) and how the class did not really want to let on to what was really going on is just fantastic. True story, as a kid, we used to sometimes take the “old” (aka expired) milk cartons (those little eight ounce cardboard suckers) from the case at school, sneak them into the school yard, and take turns running along a wooden fence. While you were running, your classmates fired the milk cartons at you. Upon finally being discovered, a bunch of us were given detentions. That was fun to explain to my parents.
- The leg lamp: The extraordinary job of acting throughout the movie by Darren McGavin is just fantastic, but his work in the scene where he unveils his “leg lamp” is the best. That work by McGavin combined with the sheer horror on the face of his wife (played by Melinda Dillon) was a classic. The later scene where Dillon “accidentally” breaks the leg lamp is likely based on a true story of some sort. I will say that my wife, has done this several times with articles of clothing that I have. They’ve either “disappeared” or “been ruined by the washing machine”...and she always feigns compassion, but inside I know she is ecstatic. Being married is a constant “Dance of Dragons.”
The 10 Non-Traditional Christmas Songs on My Playlist
There are many, many great Christmas songs that would not be labelled as “traditional” and I could probably write 50,000 words on all of them, so I just decided to limit this list to 10 of those on my iTunes playlist (in no particular order):
1. Tom Petty: “Christmas All Over Again”
Did you expect anything else?
2. The Kinks: “Father Christmas”
Come on...the Kinks lambasting Christmas is terrific.
3. Big & Rich: “Drunk Christmas”
I am generally not a “country music” guy, but I am all about a drunk Christmas. I have plenty of country music-loving friends, but I just haven’t been able to catch that vibe. Still, these reference Rumple Minze (soooooo bad) and any song that can work that reference in automatically wins me over.
4. Run-DMC: “Christmas in Hollis”
Just a classic...
5. Wham: “Last Christmas”
Go ahead and roast me...I like the song.
6. Dropkick Murphys: “The Season’s Upon Us”
7. Billy Squier: “Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You”
8. The Pogues: “Fairytale of New York”
9. The Whirling Dervishes: “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch”
10. Blink-182: “I Won’t Be Home for Christmas”
Do you have any I should check out? I’m always looking for solid additions. Let me know in the comments below!
Predictions Record
I kind of sputtered into the winter break, but the overall record isn’t terrible. I took some (probably) unnecessary gambles during this first half of the season, which probably stifled my record a bit, but I have to put some thought into how aggressive I want to be during the second.
Do I play it safe and try to gradually improve on my record or do I go full “We’ll do it live! F**k it!” and take some chances?
Last Bundesliga match day record: 4-5
Overall record: 65-58*
Guest predictors’ record: 18-3
(*includes DFL-Supercup, DFB-Pokal, and Champions League)