Around these parts, we don’t take kindly to anyone talking out their grass, but RB Leipzig just — essentially — issued a declaration of war against the Bavarian Grass Works community.
Specifically, Die Roten Bullen released a tweet declaring that the field surface at the Red Bull Arena finished in second place in the “Pitch of the Year” category as determined by the German Lawn Society.
In typical Red Bull fashion, the announcement of “we’re number two” was celebrated.
The #RedBullArena has finished in second place for the 2019/20 'Pitch of the Year' award ️— RB Leipzig English (@RBLeipzig_EN) November 20, 2020
The award was given to our groundskeeping team by a special jury from the German Lawn Society
⚪ #RBLeipzig pic.twitter.com/U9UZcwGMLy
We want answers...and we want them NOW! Who is the German Lawn Society and what kind of dark grass arts are they practicing to make such a proclamation. And where is the official awards list? What about the names of judges? ALL OF IT...A MYSTERY!
In truth, this sounds like some Bohemian Grove or Illuminati-esque fraternity of power-hungry grass-o-philes trying to guide history by making pre-determined — and extremely controversial — lawn assessments...and we will not stand for it!
The Stonecutters...they are not.
If the tantalizing turf at FC Kaiserslautern’s Fritz-Walter-Stadium is number one...then we can almost give that a pass, given that pitch is one fine-looking piece of grass...but otherwise, we fight. Heck, even noted Grass Man Manuel Neuer could make his own case for the provocative pitch over Arminia Bielefeld...but Red Bull Arena? I THINK NOT!
We cannot accept this verdict...we will not accept this verdict.
We see you RB Leipzig and we assuredly hear you...but make no mistake...we examined your number two and we scoff. That’s right we scoff!
(Wait a second, that sounds...bad? Ah nevermind...)
Anyway, this battle is not over...it has only just begun!