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Barcelona tell Pedri that they will "make him like Coutinho": Is a loan to Bayern imminent?

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Come to Bayern Munich! Gainz guaranteed, and maybe a Champions League too.

Paris Saint-Germain v Bayern Munich - UEFA Champions League Final Photo by M. Donato/FC Bayern via Getty Images

This just in: according to Catalan publication Sport, Barcelona plan to loan Pedri to Bayern Munich. Well, they don't say that directly, but you can infer it by the statement that they "will make him like Coutinho". As everyone knows, that entails a loan to Bayern, and a Champions League win on top.

As Bayern fans, we'd welcome the move. The club has been deprived of its annual tradition of loaning one useless player from La Liga this season. Being a player from Barca makes Pedri the perfect candidate, the only better one would be Luka Jovic from Real Madrid. Now that's a REAL flop (pardon the pun). In Pedri's case, KHR would be licking his lips at the opportunity to have him warm Bayern's bench. Heated seating is expensive, you know.

FC Schalke 04 v FC Bayern Muenchen - Bundesliga
“Better to sit on the bench at Bayern than start at Barca” — John Milton, Paradise Lost.
Photo by Martin Rose/Bongarts/Getty Images

Now, the question you must have is — why does Barca want Pedri to come over here? He's not transfer flop like Coutinho (yet).

Well, the thing is that Pedri is pretty tiny, and Bayern have a reputation for bulking up players in their employ, a phenomenon that has become especially pronounced since Leon Goretzka showed off his incredible COVID-19 transformation. The man literally went from a skinny beanpole to the physique of a Greek God during lockdown.

Even Coutinho packed on the pounds while on loan with Bayern, having allegedly gained up to four pounds of pure muscle. Barca want Pedri to bulk up in a similar fashion, which is the actual point of Sport's article. We made the entire Pedri loan business up for a bit of banter. Though, given that Brazzo reads this place for ideas, the next Barca board should expect a call from Bayern in January. We can send him back with a shiny new UCL medal, just like we did with Coutinho.