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Daily Schmankerl: Erling Haaland linked to Manchester United and Real Madrid; Joshua Kimmich and Leon Goretzka appear on game show; and MORE!

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It would be nice to have Erling Haaland as a post-Robert Lewandowski plan at Bayern Munich, eh?

Borussia Dortmund v Sport-Club Freiburg - Bundesliga Photo by Lars Baron/Getty Images

Haaland’s next stop (Don Balon)

It has been too long since we’ve heard from The Don and boy are we are glad to have the Spanish publication back in the saddle. For a return to the Schmankerl, the Don did not disappoint. Specifically, Don Balon has Borussia Dortmund’s Erling Haaland being targeted by both Manchester United and Real Madrid:

Erling Braut Haaland is one of the priority objectives for Real Madrid for the next summer market. Because they plan to go for his signing, taking advantage of the existence of a termination clause estimated at 75 million euros. A real bargain, considering his age, 20 years, his enormous potential, and his ease of scoring goals, in addition to his experience. They let him escape in January, and now they want to make amends for their mistake.

The problem is that Real Madrid is not the only great in Europe interested in Haaland, since Manchester United also hopes to take him, in a joint operation with one of his best partners, Jadon Sancho.

So, Haaland will either go to Real Madrid or will leave in tandem with Jadon Sancho to head over to Manchester United? Got it. One good point that The Don does make, however, is that for €75 million, Haaland is an absolute steal. They say nothing is a sure bet in sports, but Haaland’s future success looks about as safe a wager as there is.

In case of emergency, break glass (@FCBayernUS)

I guess instead of “Phone-a-Friend” in Germany they have “In case of emergency, break glass to free Süle.”

The twosome double-pivoted their way to €64,000.

Magath hammers Pep (Tz)

Former Bayern Munich manager Felix Magath has no time for Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola and his style of play. Magath called Tiki-Taka a “mistake in football.” But ol’ Felix wasn’t done there.

“Messi won the title, not Guardiola,” said Magath to Sport Bild (as captured by Tz). “Without Messi, this system never worked so successfully for Guardiola. Otherwise he would have won the premier class with FC Bayern or Manchester City long ago. Tiki-Taka only works if you have players who are technically superior to their opponents in a holistic way. For the spectator, holding the ball, as I call it, is just boring and doesn’t really need a top team.”

Now, I know there are some people who are ready to whip out the Abe Simpson “Old man yells at cloud” meme, but I get where he is coming from.

He just likes a more direct style of play and at 67, he can say whatever the heck he wants. That’s the beauty of getting old, right? If his disdain for Pep is giving him some vigor then I say, “On with it!”

No sentimental goodbye for Suarez (Sport Bild)

FC Barcelona coach Ronald Koeman was not too sympathetic when giving Luis Suarez the boot.

“If Suarez had wanted, he could have stayed, I told him,” said Koeman. “However, it would have been very difficult for him to get a lot of playing time. He didn’t understand and found it difficult to accept. So he decided to go. I told him that I would keep him in the squad if he gave me good reasons. He should have made me change my mind.”

That’s a harsh way to go out, but sports is not for the weak of heart and the Dutch. For his part, Suarez landed at Atlético Madrid and will likely be a little amped to face Koeman and his ex-mates.

Kovacevic to FC Cincinnati (kicker)

When I saw that Hoffenheim prospect Franko Kovacevic is headed to FC Cincinnati on a loan assignment, the first thing I thought of was, “Will he try Skyline Chili?”

Franko Kovacevic is leaving TSG Hoffenheim and is on loan to Major League Soccer (MLS) for FC Cincinnati until the end of the season, who also has the option of extending the loan for another year. The 21-year-old came to Sinsheim as a prospective player from Croatia in the summer of 2019, but could not really recommend himself due to injuries. Nevertheless, he has an excellent goal rate for TSG: six goals in eleven games in the Regionalliga Südwest.

And for the record...Philly Cheesesteaks > Skyline Chili.