Dear Leroy Sane...any word on Bayern Munich or Manchester City yet?

Dear Leroy,

I feel like I can call you Leroy because you and me are so alike (except for the part about you being a world-class footballer, while I am a guy who played baseball in college 20 years ago who now records a podcast in my basement — other than that we are the SAME).

I wanted to write to know how it is coming along with making your decision on where you will spend the next stage of your career: Manchester City or Bayern Munich. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but there were a few million fans kind of wondering if you could speed up the process?

I’d like to have you on the podcast one day, it would be great to have a pass, too! I know I can’t kick as hard or as accurate as you but I think you’d be impressed with my work ethic and lunch pail mentality. You have great and versatile hair and you run fast. Do you have a good relationship with Pep Guardiola? Me neither.

These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have been reading the Daily Schmankerl, but John N. Dillon probably banned you from the site or I know you would respond in the comments if you did. I hope you can slip by his “Ban Hammer” and create an SB Nation user name (something cool like ‘Lectric Leroy or InSané19 or TomAdams71_is_a_tool...LOL) and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real screamer!

I heard that Adidas and PUMA are fighting over who can help you the most. We can’t match that money, but we can let you choose between our official BFW #TimoTime and #ArpTrain t-shirts. You would probably need a bodyguard to protect you from all of the ladies if you wore one of those LMAO!

If you are worried about getting number 19 at Bayern just ask for help. Alphonso Davies is Canadian and they are ALL nice people (even Markopolo and RLD). I am sure if you buy Alphonso some Tim Horton’s, that will close the deal for you.

I was reading about how your mom wants you in Germany, but your girlfriend likes England. These are tough choices, but as I always say: Live close to your mom in the event your significant other throws you out of the house for getting too many viruses on your home laptop from too much “researching.”

Any-who, let me know if you see this and I promise I’ll get Ineednoname to stop harassing you on Twitter. He’s really not a bad guy, he just wants what we all want...a freaking decision.

Falk Flex: True!

Thanks,

CSmith1919

(Extreme apologies to the BRILLIANT Chase Utley letter from Mac on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Video has some NSFW language.)