Just for fun: Bayern Munich players as Pokemon!

Alright guys, time for something a little different than usual. After yesterday's Pokemon Direct, some of us in the BFW Slack began talking about what pokemon Bayern Munich players would be. This inspired me, this blog’s resident Pokemon nerd, to make this article.

So here we are: Every Bayern Munich player if they were pokemon. I tried to include at least one pokemon from each generation, so everyone would be satisfied.

Attackers:

Robert Lewandowski — Garchomp

Absurdly powerful and useful, Garchomp is arguably one of the best non-legendary pokemon ever made. Hence, it's naturally the perfect pokemon for our resident Polish Hitman, one of the best strikers in the world. Garchomp hits hard and takes no prisoners, while also being very capable of playing a supporting role.

Thomas Muller — Landorus-Therian

This might need some explanation — in competitive pokemon (yes, it exists and it's a lot of fun) Landorus in its Therian form is one of the most important pokemon in the metagame. Like our dear Thomas, Landorus is the glue that holds any good competitive team together, with its exceptional ability to support teammates while being an offensive monster in its own right.

Not everyone gets the value of a Lando at first, but experienced players know how useful it is — just like how only experienced football fans recognize how valuable Muller is on the pitch.

Kingsley Coman — Greninja

This one needs little to no explanation — Greninja is a fast, powerful-but-frail pokemon in the mold of a typical glass cannon. In competitive play, you would call this kind of a mon a sweeper. A sweeper's job is to come in and hit as hard as possible as fast as possible, preferably without taking any hits because its defenses are garbage. That description fits Coman to a T.

Serge Gnabry — Kartana

Just like Greninja, Kartana is also a fast, powerful sweeper which takes hits like a wet paper bag. Additionally, it's a grass type, which really fits Gnabry coz he's vegan.

Alphonso Davies — Chimchar

Phonzie is just 18, and therefore has a ton of potential that has yet to be realized. Hence, he gets to be the NFE (not-fully-evolved) starter Chimchar. We all hope that he can live up to the promise and evolve into a super-awesome Infernape, and take his spot on Bayern’s wings.

Franck Ribery — Rayquaza

What better pokemon could represent our dear legend than the one that broke the metagame? Rayquaza has always been one of the strongest pokemon in existence, having been banned to the Ubers tier ever since its inception. However, in generation 6, everyone’s favorite green dragon got a mega-evolution that was so incredibly powerful that it got banned from a banlist and a whole new tier had to be created to house its fury.

A fitting representative for the man who was the best player in the world in 2013, one of the greatest players to ever wear this jersey.

Arjen Robben — Deoxys-A

In the anime, Rayquaza is always depicted as antagonistic toward Deoxys, so it may seem strange to have Ribery and Robben be represented by them when Robbery are one of the best winger duos in history. However, Deoxys in its attack form is one of the most terrifying offensive threats in existence, having been banned to Ubers ever since it was released in generation 3 — no pokemon fits Robben better.

Deoxys-A is fast, frail, and hits like a truck — just like our dear Dutchman. Even if you’re prepared, there’s very little that you can do.

Midfielders:

Thiago — Tapu Fini

Okay, let me explain. Tapu Fini is one of the best support-oriented pokemon in the meta, with great defenses, access to hazard-removing moves such as Defog, and an ability that protects your pokemon to status ailments such as burns and poison (for a limited period of time). This, in my opinion, suits Thiago a lot, as he’s a very defensively-oriented player and likes to control the game from a deeper position on the field.

Javi Martinez — Venusaur

Venusaur, especially in its mega form, is a superb defensive pokemon and one of the best Fairy-type counters in the game. If you scroll down, you’ll see that the pokemon I’ve selected for our defenders are mostly weak to fairies, so it makes sense that the man who protects the defense would be a pokemon that is very strong against Fairy type.

As a Grass-Poison type with Thick Fat as an ability (halves damage from Fire and Ice type attacks), Mega Venusaur is extremely hard to take down, especially with access to strong recovery moves like Synthesis. This defensive prowess suits the hero of 2013, who helped Bayern reach that illustrious treble.

Leon Goretzka — Blaziken

There’s not much to explain here — Blaziken is fast, strong, and powerful. That may seem to be a recurring theme in this article, but it’s a fact that you can describe a lot of our players that way.

Corentin Tolisso — Lucario

A strong all-round pokemon, Lucario suits Tolisso in a few ways. It’s strong offensively with powerful moves such as Close Combat, and access to the coveted Steel type gives it a bevy of resistances that are important defensively. Also, on his day Tolisso can perform like a juggernaut, much like a Mega Lucario — a pokemon that is so strong that it was banned to Ubers.

Renato Sanches — Sobble

The new water starter for generation 8, Sobble is a small lizard-like pokemon that always looks sad. Its name is an amalgamation of the words “sob” and “bubble”. This pokemon perfectly suits Renato, who is always crying about playing time. Hopefully, when Sobble evolves, it becomes a pokemon that doesn’t cry as much.

Defenders

David Alaba — Zapdos

Much like Alaba, Zapdos has been around for like forever, and it’s been a top tier pokemon all along. It’s a strong all-round pokemon — with defensive stats that are able to tank hits from strong opponents and cripple them with its ability (Static — paralyzes pokemon on contact) while also maintaining offensive pressure with strong moves like Discharge and Heat Wave. Great counterpart for Alaba, in my opinion.

Joshua Kimmich — Marshadow

Despite its cute looks and diminutive stature, Marshadow is one of the best pokemon in the Ubers tier, with devastating offensive prowess making it a threatening sweeper and wallbreaker, and the unique ability to steal the stat boosts of the opponent. Any team that comes in unprepared will meet a swift end.

Rafinha — Crobat

While being confined to the UU (under-used) tier by Smogon, Crobat is a great pokemon and is excellent at its role of being a utility player in the team. Whether its breaking holes Brave Bird or scouting threats with U-turn, the gen-2 bat can do it all.

Mats Hummels — Ferrothorn

Incredible defensively but exceptionally slow (a base speed stat of 20), Ferrothorn is the perfect pokemon for a man like Mats Hummels. The steel-cactus introduced in gen 5 is a nightmare for all offensive teams, and it can occasionally dish out the damage too with a powerful Gyro Ball, much like how Hummels might bang one in from a corner.

Jerome Boateng — Sableye

Sableye, in its mega form, is one of the best walls in the entire game, which makes it rather similar to Jerome Boateng. In recent years, the luster of Sableye has waned among top tier players, just like Boa’s own stock has fallen — but it still remains excellent pokemon in the hands of the right trainer.

Niklas Sule — Salamence

Huge, powerful, and deceptively fast for its size, Salamence is a perfect fit for Sule. Salamence’s ability, Intimidate, lowers the attack of the opponent — which is something Sule does in real life. When it mega-evolves, Mega Salamence is incredible — a perfect mixture of offense, defense, and speed. Maybe Sule isn’t that good just yet, but it’s close.

Goalkeepers:

Manuel Neuer — Toxapex

Does this need an explanation? Toxapex is like the best wall in the game. Can you KO it? No, you can’t. Starfish god is here to stay, suckers.

Sven Ulreich — Slowbro

Another bulky water-type, Slowbro is good but outclassed by Toxapex in every single way, kinda like how Sven is by Neuer. It’s a great backup option though, and useful in lower tiers.

What did you think of our choices? Leave your comments below!