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Daily Schmankerl: United “told” to buy Robert Lewandowski this January, Süle taps Nagelsmann to coach Bayern “someday,” Coutinho happy to stay

Who is telling Manchester United to sign Robert Lewandowski this winter window? No one worth putting in the headline, that’s who.

FC Bayern Muenchen v Bayer 04 Leverkusen - Bundesliga Photo by TF-Images/Getty Images

Gladbach tops the Bundesliga again

At the end of matchday 13, Borussia Mönchengladbach was back on top of the Bundesliga table with a one-point lead over RB Leipzig. Schalke follows in third with 25 points, and Bayern holds fourth place with 24 points, four behind the leader.

Gladbach reclaimed first place in an exciting match against unlikely Champions League contender SC Freiburg! Gladbach took the lead after just three minutes, but then Freiburg equalized three minutes later. Tied 1-1 at halftime, Breel Embolo made it 2-1 for Gladbach right as the second half began, and then missed a penalty kick. Freiburg battled back, but the match ended 4-2.

Elsewhere on Sunday, Werder Bremen at last broke their eight-game winless streak in a 3-2 win over Wolfsburg.

Hertha BSC v Borussia Dortmund - Bundesliga Photo by TF-Images/Getty Images

On Saturday, Borussia Dortmund managed to hand Jürgen Klinsmann a loss in his first game as coach of Hertha Berlin. The 2-1 win wasn’t pretty, but it probably saved Lucien Favre’s job. Dortmund managed to hold an inept Hertha at bay for 45 minutes after Mats Hummels was sent off for collecting two yellow cards.

FC Köln won a point from Ausburg despite the fact that center-back Rafael Czichos caused a penalty and was ejected before the end of the first half for two yellows. André Hahn also was sent off for Augsburg, and Köln’s Jhon Cordoba secured the equalizer. 1-1 the final score.

RB Leipzig took a commanding 3-0 lead over hapless SC Paderborn, but nearly blew it, allowing Paderborn back into the game by conceding two. Hoffenheim and Fortuna Düsseldorf parted ways after a 1-1 draw. And Schalke claimed a 2-1 victory over Union Berlin to secure third place in the table.

And there’s more to follow! Mainz hosts Eintracht Frankfurt for a rare Monday game at 2:30 pm EST (8:30 pm local).

Manchester United “told” to sign Robert Lewandowski this January! (Daily Fart)

Gasp! The Daily Star has discovered the passive voice and the results are astonishing:

Man Utd told to recall Chris Smalling and sign Robert Lewandowski in January

EXCLUSIVE: Man Utd boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been told to ditch Phil Jones, recall Chris Smalling and buy Robert Lewandowski from Bayern Munich

Told by whom? you might wonder. Why, by none other than... Clayton Blackmore — a former player who does not in fact have a job with the club or with a media outlet, as far as I can tell. But he has opinions and is willing to share them. In fact, the entire article is just Blackmore giving his thoughts about various players like Phil Jones and Chris Smalling at an event hosted by the gambling company GentingBet.

Blackmore’s “orders” to United about Robert Lewandowski? He said,

They need to get a top striker who the players can learn from. I’d like to see Bayern Munich’s Robert Lewandowski come in. He’s 31 although still scores goals for fun. I’d also be happy if Zlatan Ibrahimovic came back.

We got rid of Romelu Lukaku to Inter Milan and that was a big decision. For me, Solskjaer now has to replace him. He should have replaced him in the summer and Lukaku probably shouldn’t have been sold if we didn’t have someone lined up.

We need a top striker who’s going to help out the kids. The young lads have shown what they can do when they’re on form, but I think if they had a bit of experience up there they’d be a lot better.

The stuff that transfer rumors are made of!

Niklas Süle: Julian Nagelsmann will coach Bayern Munich some day

Niklas Süle was in good spirits for his visit to the fanclub Rollwagerl ‘93 e.V. in Vohenstrauß north of Munich near the Czech border. Süle fielded several questions from the fans, including one concerning his former coach, Julian Nagelsmann. Süle remains a dedicated admirer of the young coaching phenomenon:

FBL-GER-BUNDESLIGA-BERLIN-HOFFENHEIM Photo credit should read ODD ANDERSEN/AFP via Getty Images

I was able to learn a lot from him. He is rightly successful with Leipzig, because he is a top coach. I also think that he — perhaps not in the near future, but someday — will also be the coach of Bayern Munich.

Süle also asserted that he intends to accompany the German national team to Euro 2020, despite his ACL injury. Süle insisted he is “One-hundred percent” convinced he can help Germany. He said,

I think that I’m a bit ahead of schedule. For me, the Euros are very obviously the goal, and I currently assume that I can do it — and will do it.

Coutinho would like to stay in Munich

Philippe Coutinho was also out and about visiting a Bayern fan club. At the fan club Kasing, Coutinho was asked whether he could imagine staying in Munich. For his part, Coutinho says he can:

I feel very comfortable. It’s planned that I stay here a year. I’m concentrating on this time. If everything fits, I’d be very happy to stay here.

Given Coutinho’s massive price tag and lukewarm performances for Bayern, it is unlikely he will stay.

Lukas Hradecky baffled Bayern with one eye (AZ)

Bayer Leverkusen’s Finnish goalkeeper Lukas Hradecky delivered a man-of-the-match performance against Bayern Munich this past Saturday. Rudi Völler called it “world-class,” and Hradecky himself was amazed by how involved he was.

He also revealed that he played almost half of the first half with only one clear eye! He said,

I lost a contact lens and had to play with one eye for 20 minutes. Try to do that sometime against Bayern!

Hradecky had to wait until halftime to get a replacement lens. He said he would treat himself to a “little beer” to celebrate.

FC Bayern Muenchen v Bayer 04 Leverkusen - Bundesliga
“Where the heck did I drop that damned lens?”
Photo by Sebastian Widmann/Bongarts/Getty Images

Spurs ball-boy hero get’s rewarded for his efforts against Olympiacos by meeting the Tottenham squad:

A dream come true for the young lad.

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