Daily Schmankerl: Real Madrid targets Serge Gnabry; Ante Rebic flops; Kwasi Wriedt superstar; get well, Rafinha; Ansu Fati debuts for Spain

Florentino Pérez wants Serge Gnabry for Real Madrid (Don Balon)

Did I say Don Balon? I meant Don Balololol. Yes, this is a real story, really published at the Don’s website. Florentino Pérez has many goals for transfers, but far too few from his current players on the pitch. Since Luka Jovic is apparently just there to warm the bench while Karim Benzema defies father time, the Galacticos are strapped for scorers. Eden Hazard has just a goal and an assist, Gareth Bale has two goals but wants out, and everyone else is simply not up to snuff.

Ergo Serge Gnabry is now supposedly a target. He gets along with Robert Lewandowski and is a fan favorite, helping them forget Arjen Robben and Franck Ribéry. And at 24 years old, he at last has realized his full potential, ever since Arsenal recruited him from Stuttgart... A steal at approximately €80m. Surely Bayern would be amenable —

Wait, what’s that you say? He’s under contract with Bayern until 2023? He’s a surefire starter for Germany? My dear Don, your imagination has run away with you.

Ante Rebic a flop at AC Milan — little sympathy from Eintracht’s chairman (Bild/Transfermarkt)

Ante Rebic was one of the deadline day blockbusters when the summer transfer window closed. Eintracht ultimately loaned him to AC Milan in return for André Silva. Silva meanwhile is a starter at Frankfurt with three goals to his name, while Rebic has played all of 64 minutes in Milan and was dropped from the squad for their last two matches. Eintracht’s chairman, Wolfgang Steubing, told Bild,

To be quite honest, I’m at a loss for words. He absolutely wanted out because he had the feeling that otherwise he’d be left behind as the only one of the three strikers at Eintracht. Now he’s sitting outside — misplayed! And things won’t get easier for him.

At least Sebastien Haller is doing well at West Ham?

Kwasi Wriedt is kind of a big deal (Bild)

Kwasi “Otschi” Wriedt is kicking Arsch and taking names: he has scored eight goals in eleven games and garnered enough interest that Bild is happy to publish stories about how the coach of FSV Zwickau plans to stop him! Zwickau’s coach, Joe Enochs said,

Otschi is a good guy; his strongest weapon is his finishing. He has outstanding qualities in front of goal.

We should try as best as possible to prevent him from getting the ball in the penalty area. But that won’t be possible to prevent completely over 90 minutes. The best means is our high press. We want to run at the Munich boys quick and win the ball early.

Good luck!

Rafinha suffers broken cheekbone (Sport1).

Former Bayern star Rafinha had to undergo an operation to repair a broken cheekbone. Rafinha suffered the injury while playing for Flamengo in a 2-0 away win over Athletico Paranaense. At 34 years old, Rafinha has been a starter at right-back for Flamengo since his return to Brazil. It isn’t known when he’ll be fit to return to action, but he reportedly intends to be back for the second leg of Flamengo’s tie with Gremio Porto Alegre on October 23. Gute Besserung, Rafinha!

Have goals like Mehmet Scholl

Barcelona’s Ansu Fati debuts for Spain’s U-21 at 16 years old (AS)

It’s hard to fathom, but 16-year-old Ansu Fati made his international debut for Spain with the U-21 team just under a month after receiving Spanish citizenship. He is the second youngest player to debut for Spain’s U-21 team (that honor goes to Bojan Krkic in 2007, who was 68 days younger at the time).

Incredibly, Fati has already logged 172 minutes in La Liga at the top level and another 59 in the Champions League (against Borussia Dortmund). He has scored two goals and made one assist. He has played primarily as a left winger.

Six Bulgarian fans arrested for Nazi salutes (Bild)

The Bulgarian government has taken swift action in response to the scandal caused by home fans at their recent Euro Qualifier against England. Fifteen people were seen giving the Nazi salute and making monkey noises at Raheem Sterling and Tyrone Mings. Now six of the suspects have been identified and arrested. The police chief of Sofia, Georgi Hadschijew, said in a statement,

Six people have been taken into custody so far; three more are being searched for, while investigations continue.

We do not tolerate such behavior. Everyone who offends against the public order will be held to account. Some people have now been arrested. Measures will be taken against them.

Both UEFA and FIFA are investigating the scandal. Bulgaria could face a fine of at least €50,000 and a game without spectators.

NONE SHALL PASS

Some crazy shit went down when New Mexico United faced Tacoma Defiance in the USL Championship: