Move aside, UEFA Champions League. The premier sporting cup competition is back in town, and Bayern Munich is in it. Yes, that’s right! After almost nine months of waiting, the BunDucksLiga is finally back, and with a vengeance. According to the announcement page, the competition this time will not take place in the water, but in the air via the help of drones.
Once again, the Bavarians have the chance to win the illustrious Quadle.
What is the Quadle?
The Quadle is the greatest possible sporting achievement for any German football club, sitting slightly above the coveted treble. It involves winning the BunDucksLiga, the Champions League, the Bundesliga, and DFB Pokal in that order of significance. Since Bayern has already achieved the now significantly mundane treble, naturally our club’s main goal this season must be to win the Quadle that has eluded the club so long (exactly three years, to be precise).
Introducing our champion: Franz Bayernduck
Okay, I don’t know why I have to introduce a club LEGEND, but here goes. Franz is Bayern Munich’s representative at the BunDuckLiga and the current defending champion of the competition. For a detailed profile, check out JND’s writeup of his contract extension in the wake of the 2017 title.
Like any member of this illustrious football club, Franz has a champion’s mentality and bleeds red whenever he takes to the pitch (or, in most cases, pool). In fact, Franz loves the club so much that the only part of his body that is visible (the head) is red in color. Some trivia for you: a quick google search suggests that he may be an American Redhead.
What are his chances?
Like any good Bavarian, Franz wears waterproof lederhosen (that has the added advantage of improved hydrodynamics) and a hat that gives him extra stability. He weighs about 88 grams, which is ~30 grams more than the league average. This gave him a massive advantage when the competition was held in water, but now that the ducks will be flying in the air, the added weight may inhibit Franz’s speed.
Perhaps to make up for it, we can convince Uli Hoeness to buy a predator drone? It would be a pretty good investment in the long run, especially if Bundesliga teams keep playing against us like Hoffenheim did on matchday 1.
Of course, it’s not all doom and gloom. Franz’s weight may help him be stable in high wind conditions, while the other lighter ducks get blown around easily. His hat is shaped like a cone, which doesn’t seem too bad aerodynamically speaking. [Note: My entire knowledge of aerodynamics comes the opening lines of the Bee Movie.]
So, can Franz win the BunDucksLiga 2018? Definitely. In the quest for our first silverware of the season, we leave it you you, Herr Bayernduck.