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Bonus Schmankerl: how about Ronaldo to Bayern!

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Unusual stupidity forces us to take unusual measures. Rumor has it that Ronaldo is targeting Bayern Munich, while David Alaba declares his loyalty, and Vidal declares his awesomeness.

Real Madrid Celebrate After Victory In The Champions League Final Against Liverpool
Cristiano Ronaldo gives the thumbs up after performing 100 biceps curls with his 20 kg wrist watch.
Photo by Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno/Getty Images

Cristiano Ronaldo to Bayern Munich?! It’s less likely thank you think (AS)

According to the latest entirely credible news coming out of Spain, Real Madrid have told their superstar Cristiano Ronaldo to “find a buyer.” And guess which clubs AS claims are Ronaldo’s three targets: PSG, Manchester United, and (drum roll) Bayern Munich!

If Cristiano cannot agree fresh terms with Real, he looks to have three options: PSG, Manchester United and Bayern Munich. Nasser Al-Khelaifi, the president of PSG, has never hidden his admiration for the forward, or his desire to have him at the Ligue 1 club one day. It is a potential move that could be facilitated by Real’s interest in Neymar. Meanwhile, Ronaldo and his family retain strong sentimental ties to United, with his mother, Maria Dolores dos Santos Aveiro, revealing recently that she’d like to see her son return to Old Trafford.

Funny: were you waiting for AS to say something about why Bayern might want Ronaldo? You were? Well, too bad: they had nothing to say. That omission might have something to do with the preposterousness of Bayern Munich blowing up its wages structure to sign a declining 33-year-old striker.

David Alaba declares for Bayern Munich (TZ)

More shocking news: widely coveted left-back David Alaba put rumors of a transfer to rest (until the next one) with the following statement:

I’m staying at FC Bayern! I’m under contract until 2021. I feel really good in Munich. There’s nothing more to say.

Yay!

Arturo Vidal confident that he’s Arturo Vidal (Bild via AZ)

Arturo Vidal is not sure whether he will stay at Bayern Munich or not, but he’s unconcerned. Speaking to Bild, Vidal said,

If I don’t sign an extension, I’ll be out of contract after next season. But that’s not a problem. Everyone knows who Vidal is, so I’m calm.

Various reports claim that Vidal is on Bayern’s for-sale list, some putting his transfer price at around €50 million. The time seems ripe to sell to the highest bidder.

Bayern fined €25,000 for Ronaldo's fan boys (AZ)

OK, so the pitch-invaders that disrupted the first leg of Bayern's Champions League semifinal tie against Real Madrid also went after Franck Ribery, but still. UEFA has duly fined Bayern €25,000 for the shenanigans that went down that day, citing a violation of article 16 of UEFA's disciplinary regulations.

This comes after JK Besiktas, incidentally, was fined to the tune of €34,000 for the sundry disruptions that occurred when Bayern came to play.

Bayern’s best of nutmegs (FCBayern.com)

Who doesn’t love a nutmeg highlight video???