Daily Schmankerl: Bayern set to steal Umtiti from Barca; City set to steal Lewandowski

Bayern Munich plotting to steal Samuel Umtiti from FC Barcelona (Don Balolol)

Poor FC Barcelona are worried that someone might snatch Samuel Umtiti away from them. Manchester United and Real Madrid are already supposedly after him, but now a new challenger has emerged: Bayern Munich! Listen to the voice of razón:

The Bavarian club is pursuing its policy of spending as little as possible on signings, and there is no doubt that a center-back of Umtiti’s caliber for €60 million is a real steal.

Bayern currently have Boateng and Hummels on their back line, but the Bavarian club's management believes that it is time to renovate their defense, and there's nobody better than Umtiti in the market today.

We heartily agree, Herr Balon! But someone should tell the Don that it is even cheaper not to pay anything at all and just keep Niklas Süle, the 22-year-old backup center-back Bayern signed last year on a five-year contract for a fee of just €20 million.

Even Don Balolol has given up on Lewandowski-Real Madrid
But that’s ok, because PEP GUARDIOLA WANTS HIM FOR ManCity!

You didn’t see that one coming, did you? Well, maybe you did.

First things first though: it is surely a good sign that even Don Balon seems to have given up on the idea that Robert Lewandowski will transfer to Real Madrid. That’s actually almost news in its own right. Of course, this being the Don, he may well change his mind next week—or even tomorrow.

But back to Pep: although Guardiola already has Sergio Agüero and Gabriel Jesús, it is possible that Agüero may leave next season. No worries, though: since Manchester City is one of the United Arab Emirates, Pep will just have City buy his former player Lewandowski:

[Pep] is convinced that he can convince him to land at the Etihad Stadium and forget the Santiago Bernabéu. The Catalan has already has already asked Man City to try to sign the Pole and is convinced he can leave for an affordable price.
[My emphasis]

Hahahahahaha! Never change, Don.

Klopp says Bayern Munich never reached out to him (Sky Germany via ESPN)

In news that our own Liverpool fan and social media extraordinaire Tommy Adams will appreciate, Jurgen Klopp said that Die Roten didn’t contact him about taking over for Jupp Heynckes.

It’s a fact that I never had any release clauses in my contracts. If Bayern would have indeed been interested, independent of any decision I’d have made, it would have been a complicated transfer because I am under contract here for four more years, and Liverpool are not exactly unhappy with me. That’s why it makes total sense, they didn’t ask in the first place.

In the end, it would have been insanely difficult to pry Klopp from what he is building in Anfield and it appears both sides knew that.

Karl-Heinz Rummenigge provokes Fredi Bobic again (Abendzeitung)

And the Fredi Bobic saga continues: after a meeting over coffee took place between Fredi Bobic and Hasan Salihamidzic, it looked as if the tiff between Bayern and Eintracht had blown over. Wrong. Bayern CEO Karl-Heinz Rummenigge rather patronizingly told the press that Brazzo had brought Bobic “to reason” and that he had “cooled down somewhat.” Bobic immediately fired back:

He himself [KHR] probably has to laugh over that. I really have to grin. There are 36 professional clubs in the 1st and 2nd league—they have a good relationship and respect for one another and fight for their club with the same weapons—but you still have to have a certain degree of decency. And that works very well at 35 clubs—that’s all I’ll say.

After Frankfurt’s victory over Schalke in the semifinals of the DFB-Pokal, Bayern and Eintracht will settle the differences on the pitch in Berlin.

Everyone is down on Renato Sanches (Sport 1)

The sorry saga of Renato Sanches took another bitter turn, but this time it has nothing to do with Bayern. Swansea City coach Carlos Carvalhal has shredded any World Cup dreams that Sanches may have had for this summer.

The World Cup is unattainable for Renato, Portugal has a lot of good players and his physical condition is too bad.

While citing the iffy fitness of Sanches after his injury, Carvalhal undoubtedly has to be skeptical of Sanches’s ability after an unsuccessful loan stint at Swansea City and an even more miserable run in Munich.

Lothar still looks good in red and white (@FCBayernUS)

Lothar Matthäus is doing his best on a publicity tour representing Bayern Munich in the International Champions Cup, which was covered here and will feature stops in Philadelphia, PA [HELL YEAH!!! Ed. note—Please ignore our resident Philadelphia area writer’s repeated Philly-inspired exuberance] and Miami, FL. Here are some tweets from his stops so far:

Philadelphia

Matthaeus grabbed some lumber during batting practice and took a swing or two.

To which, the Phillies replied with the a .gif of the best mascot in sports, the Philly Phanatic (sorry Berni).

Matthäus, meanwhile, appeared to also have some fun in Miami.

Miami

A stop in with the Miami Heat.

And this time with Berni and a friend: