Daily Schmankerl: Bayern want to buy and sell James Rodriguez for Ivan Rakitic

You want a CRAZY rumor, well here you go (DonBalon)

Per a “report” from DonBalon, James Rodriguez is part of an intricate and stealthy scheme that would see Bayern Munich buy James this summer....ONLY TO SELL HIM TO BARCELONA!!!!!! Oh the humanity!!!

What is the return prize, you may ask? Well, none other than Barcelona’s midfield stalwart, the 30-year-old Croatian sensation, Ivan Rakitic. Because we all know, if there is anything that Die Roten needs next year, it’s another central midfielder.

The club of Munich has decided to pay the 45 million of the purchase option to Real Madrid to do business with James. Niko Kovac , who will be the next coach of the Bavarians, has already made clear to those who say that Rodriguez is dispensable. Kovac, who is German, but of Croatian father and mother, has set a goal for Bayern in capital letters: Ivan Rakitic.

We hope you are happy now and hope you did not spit your coffee all over your screen/device.

Where in the world will Robert Lewandowski land? (L’Equipe via Sport Witness)

The never ending saga surrounding the future of Bayern’s favorite Polish striker is the story that will not die no matter how many times Uli Hoeneß and Karl-Heinz Rummenigge state they won’t sell him. Despite reporting that there were four possible destinations, only three (Real Madrid, Chelsea, and Paris Saint-Germain) are referenced. Hmmm, seems legit.

In what now appears to be an open secret, the Polish striker wants to leave Bayern Munich this summer and has appointed Pini Zahavi to get a deal done. Zahavi has been given a mandate until September 1st, to get Lewandowski to one of four clubs, report L’Equipe, with three of those named. Real Madrid are the most favoured option, but the French newspaper also name Chelsea and PSG.

With Lewandowski “allegedly” becoming a cold locker room presence, discussion about his future will continue to be questioned, debated, beaten to death for at least the next four-and-a-half months!

Score thirty goals with just this one weird trick! (Bild)

Speaking of Lewy, the Pole has credited a technique borrowed from ice hockey for his first goal against Bayer Leverkusen on Tuesday:

I know this trick from the scorers in ice hockey. I’ve already done it three or four times. Slight contact—goal! You need good timing, good composure and a good position. It makes things much more complicated for the opponents and especially the goalkeeper. A slight touch can make a big difference in front of the goal. Jonathan Tah was right behind me and if I hadn’t touched the ball, he probably would have gotten it. Javi said afterwards that it was good I deflected the ball slightly.

If anything, Lewandowski is enormously goal hungry and always looking for new and inventive ways to score. You have to give him credit for that.

Look, if you want some quality household advice, you KNOW you need to turn to Mats Hummels (@FCBayernEnglish)

And, no Mats Hummels is not headed to the Rangers (Twitter)

Man, this Champions League tie is taking an odd turn (Instagram)