Daily Schmankerl: Messi wants David Alaba, Thiago leaving?

Messi wants Barca to buy David Alaba as his “último crack” (Diario LOL)

The super-sleuths at Diario Gol have made a breakthrough. Lionel Messi wants an último crack to take Barca to the next level. An ultimo WHAT? you ask. In Spanish slang, crack—which is also the name of the cocaine derived drug—also means something like an “ace” or “star.” Messi’s drug of choice? Bayern Munich’s David Alaba! See, Alaba is a real 3x1 player, one player who’s “worth three.” The Argentinian star has supposedly put Alaba’s name on his “bosses’s” desk, so now the just have to pony up the trifling transfer fee for Bayern, just €50 million as the author estimates, “a very affordable amount for a player who is worth three.” Indeed, especially one who’s signed through 2021. Bayern will collectively sigh and release him.

Thiago Alcántara thinks about leaving Bayern and has two Spanish offers (Don Balolol)

In today’s Schmankerl Deluxe, the Don speculates without a shred of evidence that Thiago Alcántara would ask the club to let him move on to another team this summer, ideally Barcelona or Manchester City, since “he has completed a stage of his career.” Although those two clubs have yet to reach out to the midfield maestro, Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid have called his dad, Mazinho. That sounds promising. Thiago is also under contract until 2021, so yeah, he’s as good as gone.

Sevilla 2-2 Barcelona, La Liga: Match Review (Barca Blaugranes)

Our friends at Barca Blaugranes had the displeasure of facing Sevilla yesterday, and were lucky to escape with a 2-2 draw. Sevilla were the better team for long stretches of the game and Barcelona needed magic from Leo Messi to bail them out. It’s an ominous sign for the Bavarians, who face Sevilla in midweek in the quarter finals of the UEFA Champions League.

Schadenfreude Sunday: Klassiker edition

Here are some funny tweets from BVB’s debacle yesterday ...

Bayern’s social media is weird ...