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Daily Schmankerl: Boateng to ManCity; Bayern to poach Pochettino & Kane!

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A bidding war between Manchester United and City for Boateng. And Bayern could raid Tottenham Hotspur to replace both Heynckes and Lewandowski.

Swansea City v Tottenham Hotspur - The Emirates FA Cup Quarter Final
Oh, we know.

A (stupid) tale of two Manchesters: United and City will supposedly duke it out over Jerome Boateng (The Sun)

Here’s something hilarious. Apparently The Sun thinks that Jerome Boateng is on the verge of a move to Manchester, citing “sources close to the player” for this information. Their reporter must’ve gotten as close to Boateng as possible and then typed up this rubbish on his/her phone. There is no other explanation for this nonsense—although it would be funny to watch United and City get into a bidding war only to have Bayern Munich simply turn down the top bid. As with all other rumors from The Sun, please ignore.

WHY NOT BOTH? Bayern Munich could steal Pochettino to lure Harry Kane to Munich! (Marca)

Huzzah! Bayern are allegedly plotting the ultimate strike against hapless Tottenham Hotspur: first they’ll steal Mauricio Pochettino away and then spend €200 mil to ensure that Harry Kane merrily follows him to Säbener Straße! Genius! They will come “hand in hand,” as the venerable newspaper puts it.

Javi Martinez has no idea why Spain’s coach Julen Lopetegui snubbed him (ESPN FC)

Javi Martinez told ESPN FC Spain’s national team coach Julen Lopetegui did not even bother to tell him why he was not selected. Now that Javi has complained, it’s probably safe to assume that Lopetegui isn’t ever going to call him up now. So at least he can’t get injured? Just don’t spend the break hiking, Javi.

Xabi Alonso advises Lewandowski to stay at Bayern Munich (Marca)

Retired teammate Xabi Alonso advised Robert Lewandowski to ignore the advances of Real Madrid and stay in Bavaria. Listen to the man, Lewy. If anyone knows the story of being at both Real Madrid and Bayern Munich, it’s Xabi Alonso.

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