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Welcome to silly season, Bayern fans! In case you’ve missed it, Bayern Munich are looking for the new manager. Having sacked Carlo Ancelotti following a devastating defeat to PSG, the Bavarians will need a new coach very soon. Whenever a big European club starts headhunting for someone to take charge, there will be rumors.
Lots of rumors. Some very credible. Others worryingly bonkers. So here’s a quick rundown of the major gossip floating around the internet, their pros and cons, plus a handy rating to assess how likely they are. Here we go.
#1: Diego Simeone
Source: The Sun (oh dear)
Pros: Is a strong personality, plays a aggressive brand of football, will whip Bayern’s leaky defense into shape.
Cons: A radically different style of play compared to what Bayern is used to, has shown no indication that he wants to leave Atletico Madrid.
Rumor Rating: 0/10. Complete fantasy.
#2: Jurgen Klopp
Source: Christoph Metzelder (via The Liverpool Echo)
Pros: Plays an aggressive style of football with gegenpressing and swift counterattacks, knows the Bundesliga inside out, is a very likable character who the fans and players can rally around, was once a candidate for the Bayern job but we chose Jurgen Klinsmann instead (facepalm).
Cons: Struggles to organize a competent defense, is part of a long term project at Liverpool and seems unlikely to leave. Laughed when Mainz beat Bayern at home last year.
Rumor Rating: 1/10. At least it’s not The Sun.
#3: Louis van Gaal
Source: Westdeutschen Allgemeine Zeitung (via Bild)
Pros: Knows the club, could be willing to take a short contract and step aside for a younger man (hint: Nagelsmann) at the end of the season.
Cons: Has fallen out with Uli Hoeness and Karl-Heinz Rummenigge before, his last Bayern tenure didn’t end well, was disappointing at Manchester United.
Rumor Rating: 3/10.
#4: Willy Sagnol
Source: Various
Pros: Is already part of the coaching structure at the club, could agree to be a temporary solution until someone more permanent becomes available (like Nagelsmann).
Cons: Has never managed a top-level club before, his Berlin audition was disastrous.
Rumor Rating: 5/10. Not impossible, but not likely either.
#5: Julian Nagelsmann
Source: Various
Pros: Is Bavarian, has spoken about managing Bayern before, took a relegation threatened Hoffenheim team to 4th in the Bundesliga with minimal resources, plays a good brand of football. He was contacted about managing Bayern’s youth team in the past, but turned it down for the opportunity to manage Hoffenheim’s first team.
Cons: Has no experience managing a dressing room with big egos like Bayern’s, is very inexperienced overall, lacks European success, is under contract with Hoffenheim until 2021.
Rumor Rating: 6.5/10. One of the likelier rumors.
#6: Luis Enrique
Source: Juanma Romero, Sport1
Bayern have contacted former Barcelona coach Luis Enrique [@Guardiolato] pic.twitter.com/4EM5xSW7dh
— Bayern & Germany (@iMiaSanMia) October 3, 2017
Pros: Has experience at the very top, took over a Barcelona team in disarray and converted them into treble winners.
Cons: Did not have the greatest time in Roma, questions over whether he can achieve success in a team without Messi, Suarez, or Neymar, has already said that he wants a year off from the sport.
Rumor Rating: 7/10. Reasonably accurate.
#7: Thomas Tuchel
Source: Sport Bild
Thomas Tuchel is the first choice to become @FCBayern Coach @SPORTBILD
— Christian Falk (@cfbayern) September 29, 2017
Pros: Knows the Bundesliga, is Bavarian, plays a brand of football similar to Pep Guardiola’s, has experience at a top club (Borussia Dortmund), already owns a house in Munich and can take over immediately, could get the most out of the embattled Thomas Muller, has the Pep Guardiola Seal of Approval(TM).
Cons: Has a dubious record when it comes to coaching a defense, reportedly fell out with the management at both Dortmund and Mainz, reports of friction between him and Mats Hummels.
Rumor Rating: 8/10. The likeliest candidate.
Bonus: Berni the Bear.
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Source: I made it up, which is still a better source than The Sun.
Pros: Is Bavarian, knows the club inside out, has worked under several top managers like Louis van Gaal, Jupp Heynckes, and Pep Guardiola.
Cons: Is a bear, hiring him will leave Bayern mascot-less.
Rumor Rating: Berni/10.
Poll
Who do you want as Bayern Munich’s next manager?
This poll is closed
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3%
Diego Simeone (I want Neuer to retire early)
-
7%
Jurgen Klopp (Brendan Rodgers is better anyway)
-
1%
Louis van Gaal (I actually hate Bayern Munich)
-
0%
Willy Sagnol (Why??)
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13%
Julian Nagelsmann (YOLO, right?)
-
9%
Luis Enrique (I am probably a Barcelona fan)
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32%
Thomas Tuchel (wait this isn’t Pep)
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21%
Berni (only true Bayern fans pick him)
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10%
Other (I just want to watch the world burn)