Rating the rumors: Every single Bayern manager candidate from worst to first

Welcome to silly season, Bayern fans! In case you’ve missed it, Bayern Munich are looking for the new manager. Having sacked Carlo Ancelotti following a devastating defeat to PSG, the Bavarians will need a new coach very soon. Whenever a big European club starts headhunting for someone to take charge, there will be rumors.

Lots of rumors. Some very credible. Others worryingly bonkers. So here’s a quick rundown of the major gossip floating around the internet, their pros and cons, plus a handy rating to assess how likely they are. Here we go.

#1: Diego Simeone

Source: The Sun (oh dear)

Pros: Is a strong personality, plays a aggressive brand of football, will whip Bayern’s leaky defense into shape.

Cons: A radically different style of play compared to what Bayern is used to, has shown no indication that he wants to leave Atletico Madrid.

Rumor Rating: 0/10. Complete fantasy.

#2: Jurgen Klopp

Source: Christoph Metzelder (via The Liverpool Echo)

Pros: Plays an aggressive style of football with gegenpressing and swift counterattacks, knows the Bundesliga inside out, is a very likable character who the fans and players can rally around, was once a candidate for the Bayern job but we chose Jurgen Klinsmann instead (facepalm).

Cons: Struggles to organize a competent defense, is part of a long term project at Liverpool and seems unlikely to leave. Laughed when Mainz beat Bayern at home last year.

Rumor Rating: 1/10. At least it’s not The Sun.

#3: Louis van Gaal

Source: Westdeutschen Allgemeine Zeitung (via Bild)

Pros: Knows the club, could be willing to take a short contract and step aside for a younger man (hint: Nagelsmann) at the end of the season.

Cons: Has fallen out with Uli Hoeness and Karl-Heinz Rummenigge before, his last Bayern tenure didn’t end well, was disappointing at Manchester United.

Rumor Rating: 3/10.

#4: Willy Sagnol

Source: Various

Pros: Is already part of the coaching structure at the club, could agree to be a temporary solution until someone more permanent becomes available (like Nagelsmann).

Cons: Has never managed a top-level club before, his Berlin audition was disastrous.

Rumor Rating: 5/10. Not impossible, but not likely either.

#5: Julian Nagelsmann

Source: Various

Pros: Is Bavarian, has spoken about managing Bayern before, took a relegation threatened Hoffenheim team to 4th in the Bundesliga with minimal resources, plays a good brand of football. He was contacted about managing Bayern’s youth team in the past, but turned it down for the opportunity to manage Hoffenheim’s first team.

Cons: Has no experience managing a dressing room with big egos like Bayern’s, is very inexperienced overall, lacks European success, is under contract with Hoffenheim until 2021.

Rumor Rating: 6.5/10. One of the likelier rumors.

#6: Luis Enrique

Source: Juanma Romero, Sport1

Pros: Has experience at the very top, took over a Barcelona team in disarray and converted them into treble winners.

Cons: Did not have the greatest time in Roma, questions over whether he can achieve success in a team without Messi, Suarez, or Neymar, has already said that he wants a year off from the sport.

Rumor Rating: 7/10. Reasonably accurate.

#7: Thomas Tuchel

Source: Sport Bild

Pros: Knows the Bundesliga, is Bavarian, plays a brand of football similar to Pep Guardiola’s, has experience at a top club (Borussia Dortmund), already owns a house in Munich and can take over immediately, could get the most out of the embattled Thomas Muller, has the Pep Guardiola Seal of Approval(TM).

Cons: Has a dubious record when it comes to coaching a defense, reportedly fell out with the management at both Dortmund and Mainz, reports of friction between him and Mats Hummels.

Rumor Rating: 8/10. The likeliest candidate.

Bonus: Berni the Bear.

Photo by Sebastian Widmann/Bongarts/Getty Images

Source: I made it up, which is still a better source than The Sun.

Pros: Is Bavarian, knows the club inside out, has worked under several top managers like Louis van Gaal, Jupp Heynckes, and Pep Guardiola.

Cons: Is a bear, hiring him will leave Bayern mascot-less.

Rumor Rating: Berni/10.