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The Bavarians can't seem to take their hands off of any sort of trophy these days, and a new challenge awaited in the form of the year's biggest sporting event outside of "proper" football, which Bayern has already "mastered," according to FIFA President Sepp Blatter.
It was no serious financial undertaking for the reigning European champions to assemble a squad to compete in this year's game, as they simply diverted funds from their planned bid for Robert Lewandowski, which will no longer cost anything as the Polish international will be coming to Munich on a free transfer.
Using the January transfer window, it was easy to assemble a team of American football players to compete in the game, since most of the NFL teams were already eliminated from contention.
"We had a strategy and executed it very well," said Bayern President Uli Hoeneß.
"Nobody suspected that we would try to do this, so our rapid addition of American footballers was unnoticed by the press," Hoeneß added.
And buy they did, purchasing the contracts of a group of star players from non-playoff teams to field in the stead of the Seattle Seahawks, who were abruptly disqualified from the game after the self-indulgence of their fans about their noisy stadium surpassed Borussia Dortmund levels. Bayern were the highest bidders for the spot, auctioned off by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.
When asked why Munich didn't try for the World Series at the Super Bowl's Media Day, Sport Director Matthias Sammer stated:
"We had the feeling, which was confirmed through fan polls, that nobody really cares about that competition, so we decided to redirect our resources towards more meaningful trophies. Plus, the World Series, Stanley Cup, and NBA Finals occur in a busier part of our schedule."
Bayern comfortably held a lead from start to finish and substituted in Phiipp Lahm for the game's final play, a kneel-down, as the clock expired.
*If it wasn't already obvious enough, this article is satire. Nobody mentioned within said, or did, anything that was attributed to them in this post.