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Three goal celebrations that Mario Götze should choose from next time he scores

Mario Götze performed a silly goal celebration yesterday. However, his explanation of it was completely nauseating.

Alexander Hassenstein

Mario Götze scored yesterday in Bayern Munich's 2-0 win over AS Roma. He celebrated as goal scorers are want to do. Let's roll the tape that in this case is a photo on his Instagram account and his explanation of the celebration.


Hold on a second, I'm going out back to retch I'm so nauseated.

Rather then relying on some useless public relations intern to try and ascribe emotional meaning to the whims of a 21-year-old, I suggest Mario Götze turn to the Internet to select a goal celebration. I mean, what better way to represent yourself then to let complete strangers tell you what to do with wanton abandon and zero consequence?

1)  Connect your index fingers next time Mario. It's a parallelogram.

Rather then some useless drivel about love and kisses and other pedantic lovey dovey mumbo jumbo, how about you teach the children of the world about the power of geometry!? Nothing quite tugs at the heart strings of a child and his parents like a good old fashion parallelogram.You'll be starting their education early and building a whole new generation of engineers in the process. Maybe you can even become the spokesperson for some Tyco division that makes block toys for kids and you can make that celebration your catch phrase for children's brain development. Call it Götze's Ga Ga for Brain Development or something.

2) Bend your thumbs. It's a shapeless blob with antennae!

Nothing connects with your audience quite like a good old fashioned completely insane conspiracy theory. In this case, it's our alien overlord Blobo who's here to steal our souls unless you appease him with ritual goal scoring celebrations. Just don't look at his antennae. He doesn't like when you look at his antennae.

3) Connect your index fingers and bend your thumbs. Upside down heart.

You know what's even better then inspiring children or inventing conspiracy theories? Mocking Gareth Bale.

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