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The Only Bayern Munich Black Friday Shopping Guide You'll Need

Five items from the Bayern Munich store that you won't ever need or want but should buy anyways this Black Friday

Alex Livesey/Getty Images

Today is Black Friday! That means it's the time of the year to buy frivolously, with wanton abandon and rack up thousand of dollars of credit card debt all in the name of happiness disguised as rampant consumerism. It's the American way.

So, what better way to buck that trend then buying German and Bayern Munich! Here are the 5 items from the Bayern Munich team store that YOU NEED TO HAVE this holiday!!!

1.The Arjen Robben Creeper Tee

For the low low price of €20, basically peanuts and a drop in the bucket, you too can have your very own Arjen Robben to take everywhere with you. Going into the restroom? What can be better then seeing a 3 foot tall Arjen Robben stare intently at you in the mirror - those piercing eyes; that hairless head. There's nothing that says "Did you wash your hands?" in quite the same way. In terms of bonus content it can also serve as a bathing suit if you want to go diving.

2. Show some FC Bayern Support

We all love Bayern Munich. We all support Bayern Munich. So why not take you support to the next level! Literally! These briefs are perfect for any occasion and what better to woo your wife/significant other/partner/one-night-stand then showing off your branded junk?

3. Never Forget Your Towel

What will you use to defend yourself when you encounter the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal? How will you sleep without your makeshift when hitchhiking on a Vogon spaceship and how ever will you discover the meaning of life, the universe and everything if you can't even remember your towel? Now you can take your love of Bayern Munich with you, even if you're going to the Restaurant at the End of the Unvierse. (Note: You must be Arthur Dent for any of these conditions to apply. If you are not Arthur Dent, just use it after you take a shower)

4. Because Manuel Neuer can't be the only hot Bayern Munich thing

You know what beats a grilled cheese? An FC Bayern Munich grilled cheese. It' somewhere between rosemary infused focaccia bread and the tears of small children on the culinary spectrum. Despite that thought, it can't be considered the culinary masterpiece that it should be because it doesn't imprint the championship stars on above the crest. Whoever let that deisng oversight happen should be flogged then sent to work for 1860 Munich. It's an obvious oversight and completely detracts from the overall quality of the product. If you order this, return it with a complaint card, then buy it again and return it with a complaint card, etc, etc. etc.

5. A Three Dimensional Puzzle, much like Pep Guardiola's formation

Because you know what beats a thousand piece puzzle of a flounder hidden beneath the sea floor? A 54 piece 3 dimensional puzzle where the pieces are red and fit together to make a ball except there are no edge pieces to start with so where the hell are you supposed to start, and why is this in here, please make this easier. Please tell me it comes with a free mini clone of Pep to at least help you.

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