Dear Vincente del Bosque,
As the SBNation Bayern Munich representatives, it has come to our attention that once again Javier Martinez, also known as Javi Martinez, has suffered an injury while under your care and guidance. We understand his withdrawal was due to a knee injury suffered Thursday evening in a collision during training. While he is currently being evaluated by medical staff for his status ahead of your match against Equatorial Guinea in the coming hours, we respectfully request that you knock it off.
Javier Martinez has previously been returned to us in a condition un-befitting continued footballing action; a condition that required surgical intervention and an extended removal from footballing activities. We furthermore respectfully request that you return our players to us in the same condition as they were when we entrusted them into your care.
We further submit that the condition you returned our copy of "Bend It Like Beckham" in has led us to believe that you may not know how to handle nice things. As such we are contemplating action including but not limited to the following:
- refusing to root for La Roja in the World Cup
- employing rotten tomatoes as projectiles during matches at the Maracana
Thank you for your understanding,
Bavarian Football Works