FanPost

Champions League Drink Fest #2



Ah, dear friends… the moment we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. The Champions League is back kids. We’ve done our draws and all that… now it’s time to get down to see who gets to go to Berlin. It’s the end of summer and it’s party time, so what better way to celebrate the return of European football than a good ol’ barbecue!

But of course, you just can’t show up to one of these empty handed. No no no no… bad form and bad etiquette. That’s why your good friend, Markopolo, is here to help you with your beverage choice that you will bring to the event, with winners predicted in bold.

Spoiler Alert: come hungry kids… there’s gonna be a helluvalot to eat

Dig in kids:

Full Fledged HSV Hosted Community Barbecue Games

Ajax vs Paris St Germain

Barcelona vs Apoel Nicosia

Chelsea vs Schalke

Imma be brief… if you’re in some sort of fantasy league CL thing where you get points for goals, assists, clean sheets, etc etc… you’ll just see the final score of these games to see how many fantasy points you’ll get. Ajex is gonna get pounded, Apoel is going to get embarrassed, and the good ol’ Blau und ScheiB are going get Costa’d… reminding everyone why the Bundesliga is basically is Bayern Munchen, Dortmund, and two other teams who hope not to embarrass the DFB. It really pisses me off that teams like Schalke and Neverkusen can’t shell out for a decent coach to kick their asses and give us some competition.

Marko’s Beverage Recommendation: Some sort of high quality non-alcoholic beer. Because there’s no reason to get drunk and close down this HSV fest. You’re putting in time until it winds down, and then you’re beating traffic to get home. Stay clean, stay sober, and just check the final score. Don’t waste your time or your PVR’s hard drive space.

The Traditional Company Barbecue

Athletic Bilbao vs Shakhtar Donetsk

Roma vs CSKA Moscow

FC Porto vs BATE Borisov

Maribor vs Sporting Lisbon

On the opposite end of the spectrum are these challenges to your ability not to fall asleep. This is the company barbecue where you are being watched like a hawk and no one wants to be the one who gets the Golden Lampshade award, where you are the one who gets drunk and pukes on the boss and tries to pick up your managers wife. You’re being on your best behaviour and happy to be there… yet as soon as you get the chance to go, you’re outta there.

Again, don’t waste your time or your PVR’s HD space here. If the other games were blowouts, these will bore the ever living $hit out of you. They’ll either be foul fests, slug fests, 1-0 late goal wins, 1-0 early goal then parking the bus games... all boring games with each team getting 4 shots, 50% possession, and a goal less draw. Don’t even start to defend the Roma/CSKA game… you know in your heart of heart that’s gonna be a 1-0 Roma win and someone’s getting a studs up tackle for a red card. The only thing that might be memorable about these games is that there’s a possibility of a botched own goal, where the keeper misses a backpass and one team scores on themselves and it’s all over youtube and the "OMG, what were they thinking?!?!?" highlight package.

Marko’s Beverage Recommendation: One mixed cocktail that you are going to nurse for 5 hours. You don’t dare get drunk here, so don’t waste your time doing anything silly here like bringing booze or drinking booze. There is no fun at this event, you are here to make an appearance. Don’t do it.

Fire up the Hibachi for some quality time

Bayern Munich vs Manchester City

Fans of HSV, stay away. Frat boys, leave the kegger at home. There’s no processed, factory meat being served at this barbecue. Oh no no no no liebchen… this is an intimate affair. This barbecue is here to impress. You went to a specialty store to get the meat for this one. You know the name of the cow this meat came from. You got a bio of the farmer who raised this cow. You got the cow’s lineage and diet for the past year of its life. You cleaned out the barbecue for this one; you bought a new brush for the grill, you double cleaned it, you replaced the charcoal, you replenished the lighter fluid and you got some stainless steel polish and cleaner to clean it up. You’re dressed up for this one. You are impressing for this barbecue. You hired a cleaner to spruce up the joint, ironed your shirt, and have planned it in detail.

I won’t lie to you… there are a lot of turds today for CL games. The games that you only watch because you are a fan of the team. The only reason why people will talk about the other games is in the case of an upset or in case someone asks you your opinion about it.

Bayern vs City is not one of those games. The best o’ the bunch. Make room on the PVR… it’ll be good.

Marko’s Beverage Recommendation: My dad growing up had 3 wine racks… the serving stuff that everyone saw, the good stuff that was in the cellar that people knew about, and the life altering celebrating stuff (birth of child, death of parent) that was hidden and triple locked and I didn’t know about until I was 23 and there was wine and scotch that was older than me in there. While this game doesn’t fall into category 3, this is a solid good stuff wine selection. This is going to be a good one… so enjoy a good drink with it.

This game will be close for the beginning. But Bayern will catch a break, City will pout, and the English media will clammer for rule changes and that the game was a farce and spoiled by the officials. Let them complain: they know that Bayern will win this because they are the better team. This will turn out to be a 2 goal win for Bayern. The reason: goalkeeping… so long as there are no defensive f%%kups in front of him, Manuel Neuer can withstand the attack of Man City… with or without Vincent Kompany saving his bacon, Joe Hart cannot withstand the attack of Bayern Munchen.

But it’ll be a great game. Savour what you’re drinking. And if the game goes south, proceed straight to the cheapest, most alcoholic thing you have, and drink straight from the bottle so you don't waste water by dirtying a glass.

Cheers

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